For the Sake of Sake
by Psycho-Neurotically Disturbed
Summary: Sake is banned in the Seireitei and Shunsui, Kenpachi, and company go to drastic lengths to consume alcohol and romantic interludes occur. KiraxSoifon, a little ShunsuixNanao,MomoxRenji, MatsumotoxSaskibe and ShuuheixIsane. Complete.
1. Prologue

**For the Sake of Sake**

**by**

**Psycho-Neurotically Disturbed**

**Disclaimer: Not mine!**

"It has come to my notice that not all of our squads have been functioning as they should," a glare was sent toward the twelve captains standing in front of Yamamoto-taichou. "I have surmised that the reason behind this is sake! I know that most nights several of our captains and most of our lieutenants go out drinking. It may be enjoyable for our squads, but it affects them too much to ignore. Paperwork goes undone in the eighth, tenth, and eleventh squads more often than not, despite the best efforts by _some_ of their members," Yamamoto sighed and looked up at his captains. "That is why I have decided to ban alcohol from the seireitei."

Shunsui instantly sobered.

Kenpachi tensed and turned to glare at Yamamoto, "What do you mean 'no sake'!"

"From this moment on, all alcohol is prohibited indefinitely. Squad four is currently searching and destroying all remaining sake. You are dismissed."

Horror crossed the faces of the two captains and they shared a look. Jyuushirou Ukitake threw a worried glance at his long time friend and calmly walked over to him.

"Shun, please tell me you aren't going to start anything."

"I would never!" Shunsui's look of innocence rivaled that of an old man caught ogling a young girl.

"I know this has to be hard for you, but they are Yamamoto's orders and we can't disobey them."

"Of course not," Shunsui agreed, pulling his hat down over his eyes. Knowing Shunsui as long as he has, Jyuushirou knew a lie when he saw one.

"We'll talk about it later," the white haired captain sighed in resignation, turning away from his comrade. "Meet me back at my quarters."

"I'll do that!" Shunsui was thrilled at the prospect of Ukitake's help in this matter. Oh the joys of friendship! More importantly, Shunsui decided, he needed to turn to one most important matter. He opened his mouth and let out a hoarse "Zaraki!" before he rubbed his throat, already beginning to feel the need to wet it.

The huge captain lumbered over to Shunsui, already knowing they were going to become good friends throughout this horrifying experience. The two death gods regarded each other solemnly. Shunsui let out a quiet, "Ukitake's" and Kenpachi gave a curt nod in reply, "I'll bring my men."

They parted silently and went on their separate ways.

* * *

Word passed quickly of the prohibition taking affect and a large portion of shinigami was devastated by the news. Included in this portion was the vice-captain of squad ten, Matsumoto Rangiku.

The moment Hitsugaya-taichou's words hit her; she was wide awake and gaping at him in surprise. "You're making this up, aren't you?"

"Fortunately, no," the young captain was almost smiling. Perhaps the lack of sleep inducing alcohol would keep his lieutenant in check.

"Oh," Rangiku blinked unsure of whether or not to believe him, she nodded and stood up, "Well, I guess I should go get some of that paperwork I was supposed to pick up yesterday."

"Good," Hitsugaya waited until she was out of the room before he sat down at his desk and propped his legs up on the top of it. Life was going to be so much better from now on.

* * *

"Where is that grimy old man? I'm going to rip his innards from his body and hang them around my neck like a trophy!"

"That image is not very beautiful, Ikkaku," Yumichika's features were twisted in disgust. Surely Ikkaku wasn't serious. Sake wasn't that important, was it?

"Ken-chan says this is a very serious matter," Yachiru's face was strangely grim as she spoke to the few men that were gathered in front of her. "Sake is the vital point of our core. He says that our squad cannot function without the nourishment that alcohol provides them with."

"Are you sure it was our captain saying this?" Ikkaku wondered, scratching behind his ear. "Those are some pretty big words."

"Well, not everyone has such a limited vocabulary as you," Yumichika said so pleasantly that Ikkaku almost missed the insult in his words. He glowered at his friend, but couldn't retort before the only other person in the room spoke up.

"Lieutenant, may I ask what Captain Zaraki is planning to do?"

"Sure you can, uh…"

"Maki Maki."

"Sure you can, Maki Maki," Yachiru grinned, a cute smile plastering her beaming face. "Ken-chan is going to meet with Scraggly-face and Pretty-hair!"

Ikkaku and Maki Maki looked dumbfounded.

"Captains Kyoraku and Ukitake," Yumichika provided with a sigh, a little miffed that he wasn't the one with 'pretty' in his name. He covered it up well, flipping his hair back. "Shall we join our captain?"

* * *

"I wasn't expecting this many people, Shunsui." Jyuushirou said, looking at the now-filled room. "I mean, I knew you were going to recruit, but this is ridiculous."

"Come on, Jyuu, they're all loyal followers."

"You mean 'alcoholics' don't you?"

"I'll ignore that comment," Shunsui grinned good-naturedly. "Besides, isn't it good to have such a young, inspired group to help us?"

"That's another thing I wanted to bring up," the white-haired captain frowned at his friend. "What exactly are you planning to do? The last time I helped you out with something, it took me months to get the dye out of my hair."

"I thought green was a very charming color on you, Jyuu," Shunsui said cheekily.

"Excuse me, Captains," Nanao Ise's voice interrupted the two shinigami.

"Yes, Vice Captain Ise?" Ukitake lifted a brow, surprised she had come to support it. He spared a glance at Shunsui. "You did tell her what this is about, right?"

"She wouldn't have come if I did!"

"Didn't tell me what?" Nanao looked at her captain and sighed. "Don't tell me he's actually dragged me here to do something idiotic."

"I need your brain, your innate sense of order, and your precision!"

"Get to the point," Nanao's eyes narrowed at her captain.

"I need you to help me sneak sake into the Soul Society."

"You want to become a bootlegger?"

"Well, in not so many words, yes!"

"No, I'm not helping you."

"But Nanao-chan, I'm your captain and you must do as I say!"

"Not it if involves breaking the command of the head captain, whom you are not."

"But, Nanao," Shunsui was already out of witty banter and was resorting to beggary. "Please?"

"No, Captain Kyoraku, I refuse."

"Fine," Shunsui pouted, ignoring the amused look Jyuushirou was giving him. "Attention, dear comrades, Yamamoto has banned sake. I have devised a brilliant plan in order to regain our privileges. All we have to do is form a mob and storm the first division!"

There was an awkward pause.

"Why?" asked Iba, staring at the eighth squad captain with the rest of the room.

"Uh," Shunsui looked to Jyuushirou for help, "'Cause that's where the fourth division hid it!"

"Wouldn't it be in the fourth?" Sentarou asked.

"Let's kidnap their lieutenant!" cheered Maki Maki.

"That's my sister!" Kiyone gasped.

"Hanatarou. It worked for the ryoka," Maki Maki suggested.

"Sorry I'm late!" Kira rushed in, clutching a note in his hand. The scent of perfume filled the air. He paused, looking at the room's occupants. "I must have been given the wrong location," Kira said, looking down at the paper. "I wonder if she meant the third squad's meeting room instead?" he muttered under his breath.

"Ya got my note!" Renji said, catching his arm and dragging him into the chair beside him.

"It's signed 'Momo.'" Kira looked at Renji questioningly.

"Yeah, Rangiku thought that'd be funny," Renji shrugged. "She even sprayed some perfume on it for ya."

Kira quickly folded the note and stuffed it into his shirt, embarrassed. "So, why am I here?"

"For the sake of sake!" Shunsui shouted from the front of the room, quickly walking to Izuru and shaking his shoulders with vigor. "_That_ is why you are here."

"Yes, sir. Of course, sir."

"Back to the plan!" Shunsui bellowed, heading to the front of the room. "Aizen saw this coming! Obviously, that is why he left!"

"Uh, sir," Renji gave the eighth squad captain a doubtful look. "I don't think that's why he left. Do they even have sake in Hueco Mundo?"

Kenpachi, fed up with the small talk, turned to Jyuushirou, "So, what's the plan?"

"Moonshine."


	2. Part I:  1st Division

**For the Sake of Sake**

by

**Psycho-Neurotically Disturbed**

**Part I: 1****st**** Division**

**Disclaimer: Not mine!**

* * *

Yamamoto was a simple man. He worked hard and enjoyed his outrageously long life. He loved his job and doted upon his shinigami at every possible moment. He'd even bend the rules for his beloved captains. He gave Yachiru sweets when he thought Zaraki wasn't looking, he gave Mayuri his right to free experimentation, and he gave Shunsui leeway.

All of these were easy to overlook.

Two of the things he could not were 1) Romance between ranked officers and 2) alcohol disturbing his officers' work.

Romance is an iffy thing and even iffier for a man as old as Yamamoto dwell on for too long. He appreciated the beauty of love, of course, but he just couldn't allow any of his top men (and women) to be distracted from their duties by such frivolities!

Secret: he tried to pair his taichous with impossible fukutaichos so that no love would blossom.

He, of course, had his dear Saskibe, who had been with him since the beginning and wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Soi Fong, the little puma, was given some disgusting pig of a man whom she would rather gnaw off her own arm than touch.

Ichimaru Gin, well, perhaps that hadn't been the best match up in the world, but as old as Yamamoto is, you can't blame him for a few mistakes, can you?

Unohana Retsu; safe to say anyone would be safe with her.

Aizen Sosuke, another mistake of his part, he'd admit.

Kuchiki Byakuya was a secure enough person to toss anyone at him and get away with it.

Komamura Sajin, a kind soul and very dear comrade to Yama, was entrusted with Iba who could come to overlook Sajin's looks and see him for the dopey puppy he was.

Kyoraku Shunsui was given the sternest fukutaicho-level graduate he could find. It did turn out to be a rather fetching young woman, but with her attitude Yamamoto was fairly sure that there would be no issues at all. Little did he know how wrong he was.

Tousen Kaname had actually been an excellent captain despite his handicap. He was entrusted with Shuuhei Hisagi, a budding young shinigami and the two has seemingly gotten along swimmingly as far as he could tell. Of course, of all the lieutenants to lose their captains he seemed the least torn apart by it.

Hitsugaya Toshirou was nothing but a young boy. That being that, he was the only one qualified to have Matsumoto Rangiku.

Kenpachi Zaraki didn't really give him a say in the matter of his fukutaicho. Yachiru Kusajishi was immediately sworn in as his second. At least the soutaichou could rest knowing that the rough man's third and fifth seats were competent enough to handle the duties of the eleventh squad.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi was a big problem. No one _wanted_ to be his lieutenant. He had to make one.

And Ukitake Jyuushirou? The man had to have someone mentally and physically competent enough to take over his duties in the blink of an eye. Kaien Shiba was chosen which was a mental downfall to Yamamoto's favorite pupil and was the last hope for relationships for the high ups.

Kaien's wife had a run-in with a hollow, which left her for the worse and ended up in them both dying. It had left Jyuushiro shaken since and required him to pour more energy into his work, despite his not quite proficient third seats' help.

Yamamoto hated romance in the Seireitei. It was no good for anyone.

Alcohol was the only thing he hated more.

Once again, he was a simple man, and even the most important of men do enjoy a glass of wine or sake with his meals, but he chose to deprive himself just as all of the other squads were being withheld from. He'd honor that until the end.

Yamamoto stopped thinking about silly distractions when an important sounding knock rocked the flimsy paper-thin door. Apparently there was some disturbance in the eleventh division? Oh joy.

Pulling on his white captain's coat, he started walking over to investigate. Anything happening the eleventh division's walls was something to behold and usually very bloody. It might be worth a laugh in the least.

* * *

AN: Sorry, kind of short, but I'm trying to update en masse and I can only handle writing so much focused on Yama-jii before croaking. Even though I don't think this turned out completely horrible… Sorry for any mistakes, people! Feel free to correct me. The next update will be much more interesting, I promise! Next time on For the Sake of Sake: Part II: 2nd Division and what's happening in 11th. Later. 


	3. Part II: 2nd Division

**For the Sake of Sake**

By

**Psycho-Neurotically Disturbed**

**Part II: 2****nd**** Division**

Disclaimer: Not mine!

* * *

Soifon glared at her lieutenant.

She figured that he would eventually stop eating long enough to realize her silver eyes were narrowed at _him_.

When he saw that he might figure out that the look in her eyes was one that promised a _very_ long, _very_ excruciating death in the _very_ near future.

It might take him a few seconds to realize that he was the one she had in mind for that very _unsavory_ death.

He then might ask her what she wanted as calmly as he could, desperate not to make the rather icy woman any angrier.

After that Soifon would promptly stand up, take the pile of finished paperwork into her arms and leave through the office door without another word because the lord knows she wouldn't trust that oaf with it.

That was exactly what she did.

She cursed the incompetent lout in her head as she stepped out of the safety of the division walls, ignoring the greetings she received from her subordinates. Something in the back of her mind was groaning to her that today was not going to be overly pleasant.

And that cloud of black smoke coming from the eleventh division's walls wasn't easing that feeling at all.

* * *

"We can't do it," Jyuushirou frowned as he read out of the encyclopedia. "We just don't have the proper resources to distill any kind of alcohol. It would be a health hazard if we made it."

"Then we need some outside help, someone who is technologically efficient to help with the distillation and testing."

"Shunsui," the white-haired captain winced. "You aren't thinking about bringing _**him **_into this, are you?"

"He's brilliant. Mad," Shunsui admitted, a dopey smile forming on his face at the thought of alcohol in his system again, "but brilliant."

"I still don't think that Mayuri would be the best person to bring into all of this. He's not very trustworthy."

"That doesn't matter. He'll do it because he'll find it interesting. I doubt he's ever made moonshine. He'd love it!"

"No," Jyuushirou set his jaw, trying to ignore the overly happy look on the face of his dear friend.

"But if it works, so many people will be happy!"

"And if it doesn't?"

"We'll try again!" Shunsui swung his arm around the shoulders of his mortified friend and laughed.

"Maybe we should go about just raiding the fourth division. It sounds easier."

"Don't be such a prude, Jyuu."

"I'm not," the white-haired captain grumbled. "Fine, we'll have Mayuri help, but _you _have to talk to him."

* * *

"Captain Zaraki is not a patient man," Yumichika was saying from his position on the steps leading into the eleventh squad offices. He waved a fan in front of his face to keep the smoke away. "You men are not fit to be in this company. If I were anyone other than myself I would be ashamed by your lack of propriety! We are doing this for the eleventh division, we are doing this for ourselves, and most importantly we are doing this for the captain!"

"Eh, Yumi," Ikkaku couldn't help a little smile at his friend's speech. "I don't think they were paying attention."

"Apparently," Yumichika's nose twitched in annoyance, "I will have to punish them." The beautiful shinigami stood up and snapped his fan shut. He raised his voice to accommodate for the loudness of the men working around him. "Eleventh division squad members, unless you get this finished within the next hour, I will personally be in charge of your daily drills for the next month. I have a few changes in mind that I've been dying to try out." Yumichika smiled a seemingly gentle smile. "Also, please do remember that there will also be no sake to nurse your wounds with after my training."

The entirety of the fighting squad had stopped to look at their fifth seat as he spoke. Usually they had no qualms about the man, but there was a certain manner in which he spoke that immediately told them to take him seriously. They have had Ayasegawa-san run their drills before and it hadn't been the most pleasant of things. The dark glimmer of pleasure in their higher upper's eyes scared a few. They gave a collective 'Yes sir' to him and got back to work.

"Hmm, a few changes?" Ikkaku looked at Yumichika curiously, knowing how eccentrically brutal the man could be. "I'm not even sure I want to know what you would do to them."

Yumichika buffed his nails on his uniform and admired them for a moment before flicking his eyes up to his dear friend. "Well, considering you have to take part in the morning drills and seeing as I don't want to play favorites since that is wrong, you might want to oversee them."

"Are you serious?"

The look Yumichika gave him told him that yes, he was very serious.

Ikkaku swallowed and nodded, "Right, okay then," and went to administer help among the squad members.

"How's it goin', Ayasegawa?"

"Oh everything's going along beautifully, Captain." Yumichika smiled brightly, his fan gently moving the air in front of his face. "Do you think this is a good enough distraction?"

Kenpachi looked at the cloud of smoke that had settled over the division and deeply breathed in, enjoying the smell. "Yeah, I think it's goin' to work out perfectly."

* * *

Soifon glared at the blonde haired boy who had just ran into her as she was trying to open the first division office's heavy oak doors. He had been coming out at the same time she was attempting to get in and now she was sprawled on the ground with her thick stack of papers scattered across the concrete steps beside her.

"My apologies, Soifon-taichou," an almost delicate voice said across from her. Soifon glanced up to see a hand extended for her to take. Cautiously she took it and let the young man easily lift her from the ground. "I didn't see you there. Are you all right?" He let go of her hand and looked down at her.

"I'm fine," Soifon said, finally looking at the blonde. He seemed a little embarrassed. She glanced back down quickly and knelt down to start gathering her papers.

"Let me help you," Kira Izuru crouched down to gather the papers in his hands and neatly stacked them. Several papers had already been blown away. In a shimmer of movement and a series of shunpo he had gathered all of the runaway documents. As he returned Soifon lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Lieutenant Kira, I had no idea you had become so apt at shunpo," Soifon nodded at him. "I'm impressed."

A rosy blush courted the boy's cheeks. "Thank you for such a kind compliment, Soifon-taichou." He looked down at the papers and began to put them in order so deftly that Soifon found herself becoming even more impressed as he handed them over.

"How are things doing in the Third division?" she asked, trying to come up some small talk to fill the ominous silence.

"Oh, things are fine." Kira really had no idea how to answer her question. "I assume things are going well in the Special Forces division as well as Second?"

Soifon gave a curt nod to Kira as he held the door open for her. "Yes, things are the same as always." She stepped inside the building, and Izuru politely followed her to continue their conversation and constantly opened the doors for her as she went. She ventured into a touchier subject. "Are you considering captaincy for your division? You were sent a formal invitation to it if you were willing to achieve your bankai."

"I've thought about it," Kira admitted, watching as the small woman moved to put her paperwork into her slot on the wall. "I'm not sure if I'd be a good leader for my men. I know they don't take me seriously."

"That shouldn't matter," Soifon said sternly, her silver eyes flashing at him. "All that matters is what you think. Your subordinates will realize that soon enough and deal with it or they will transfer out. You're dignified, Kira-fukutaichou, and you have the potential to be a great leader if only you have confidence yourself. The weak have trust in those who trust themselves. Remember that, Lieutenant; because it will change the way you lead."

"Thank you, Captain Soifon," Kira bowed to her. Soifon gave a slight smile as he straightened to look at her. "Captain Soifon, may I request your assistance in helping me achieve bankai?"

Soifon's eyes widened slightly at his request. His eyes were so sincere and filled with hope that she couldn't exactly say no. "I will help you, Kira-san. I only hope that you are willing to keep up with me."

"I'll do my best," Izuru said earnestly. "And then some."

Soifon, for the first time in a long time, smiled at him and had to turn away to hide the pleased look in her eyes.

* * *

AN: Yay, another chapter. Next time: Squad 3, what exactly Squad 11 is doing, and a short chat with Mayuri. Later. 


	4. Part III: 3rd Division

**For the Sake of Sake**

By

**Psycho-Neurotically Disturbed**

**Part III: 3****rd**** Division**

Disclaimer: Not mine!

AN: Dedicated to Glockenspiel because she's a crazy Kenpachi lovin' woman too!

* * *

Kira Izuru wasn't in much of a hurry to achieve bankai and he was in less of a hurry to become captain, but he knew it was his duty to Soul Society to step up and take care of his division. He also knew he wasn't very brave, but he knew he was smart enough and when he put brains against cowardice—in his mind—brains seemed to win out several times over.

Maybe, though, if he could rid himself of any fear he had left, he'd feel better about becoming a leader. Surely, Soifon had no fear, that's why he respected her so much. He'd heard from someone, when he first joined his division, that Soifon had been abandoned, too. Now he felt he could relate to her as long as he didn't say anything out loud because he was fairly certain that she wouldn't like being compared to the likes of him.

Kira cleared his throat, "Soifon-taichou, where are we going?"

Soifon threw a glance over her shoulder as the two flashstepped to the north. He really didn't know it seemed. "We're heading to the eleventh division."

"Oh," Kira's expression did not change for a moment as he thought, "To see what's going on, I assume."

The eleventh division wasn't so bad, Kira knew. He'd been there several times before when Renji was still part of it, but the last time had been months ago and Zaraki-taichou didn't seem to have the strongest memory so a part of him was hoping he wouldn't have a run-in with the oversized taichou, but considering all of the smoke and the somewhat alarming odor of burnt flesh, Izuru was a little panicked.

Soifon's silver eyes were trained on the smoke as she flashstepped across the buildings. She could feel Kira right behind her as she stopped abruptly on a rooftop in the tenth division. The boy almost crashed into her, but managed to stop in time, his chest barely brushing her back in the feat.

He apologized quietly.

She ignored him, "Do you smell roasting meat, Kira-fukutaicho?"

* * *

"And that is why you should help us, Mayuri-kun," Shunsui smiled at him, picking up something that looked disturbingly like what used to be a human's pelvic bone from the scientist's desk and looking at it intently. Kurotsuchi smacked it out of the man's hands and looked to where it landed on the floor with a clatter.

"You want me to help you make alcoholic beverages, and in doing so, you will smite any respect Yamamoto-soutaichou has for you? Is that clear?"

"I believe so," Shunsui gave him his happiest smile.

"Well, in that case, no," Mayuri said turning away from him.

"But why?" Shunsui's lip trembled in disappointment.

"It's pointless."

"No, it's alcohol. It's not pointless! It's what makes life worth living!"

"Not for everyone." Mayuri could already feel a headache coming on from the oaf's babbling. "It's a waste of my time."

"But, Yama-jii would hate it! You have to do it!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No, again."

"Pretty please?"

"Shut your orifice, Kyoraku."

* * *

He hadn't realized the trip to the eleventh division was so long. _It didn't used to be_, he reminded himself. _You're a bit older than you used to be._ Yamamoto looked around. Up ahead in the distance he could see the small figure of Soifon-taichou on top of a roof—and was that Kira-fukutaichou standing next to her?

He couldn't muse for long on what they were doing together, but it probably wasn't anything too dangerous, he hoped.

* * *

"I see you guys are almost done."

Ikkaku looked up from where he was breaking a large piece of ice into smaller chunks to look at Renji. "Almost, thankfully enough. I don't think I can stand another threat from Yumi. He's a real slave driver when he wants to be."

"I hear ya," Renji agreed, sitting on the steps beside the third seat. "Whose idea was this anyways?"

"I believe it was Shuuhei's clever idea," Ikkaku grudged.

"He gets the fun job, doesn't he?" Renji sighed, "Storming the fourth with Rangiku-san sounds pretty fun, don't ya think?"

"More fun than setting up a stupid barbeque, I should think."

"Lots of people like barbeques. You're just mad because Yumichika made you help."

Ikkaku didn't say anything in reply.

* * *

"Be quiet, he'll hear us!" Rangiku's stiff whisper hushed Hisagi and Iba's quarrel. "That's better," she said, turning to look back at the current guardian of the fourth division's entrance. Luck was on their side today. Hanatarou alone was standing on the front steps, sweeping at some nonexistent dust.

"Why is it that kid's everywhere?" Iba wondered, pushing his sunglasses back on his nose. Hisagi stared at the skinny healer and shrugged.

"He's kind of cute," Rangiku said, biting back a laugh.

"I hope you aren't being serious, Lieutenant."

Rangiku grinned and turned to look back at her captain. "When did you get here, Sir?"

"Just now," Hitsugaya's brow lowered in annoyance. "You didn't do your paperwork."

"This is more important!"

"Is it?" the youthful captain looked skeptical.

"Yes," Rangiku's answer was undoubtedly correct in her mind, but her captain didn't buy it.

"Spying on the fourth division…"

"Is much more important."

"Somehow I doubt that."

* * *

Hinamori Momo was tired. She could only take so much sitting around in the fourth division's sick quarters knitting and reading before she got fed up. She wasn't allowed to go anywhere by herself. She was fairly certain that they thought she would attempt suicide or some nonsense like that if she were alone for more than ten minutes.

She looked at the clock. It was almost time for her daily walk with Hanatarou. Perhaps she could convince him to take her to the park or something today…

* * *

The smell was unmistakable. Izuru drew in a deep breath, coughing a little as he inhaled a little smoke with the aroma. No doubt about it, there was the slight tang of barbeque sauce polluting the air.

Soifon's eyes narrowed as she scanned the eleventh division. "Let's go."

"There?" Kira questioned, immediately regretting it as she turned to glare at him. He cleared his throat. "I mean…we weren't invited."

Soifon muttered something about nobles under her breath that Kira might have taken offense to had he heard it. She took in a breath and looked at him, "It's the eleventh. It's not like they'll care."

Kira nodded, frowning a little as she flashstepped to the wall and dropped into the eleventh division. He swallowed his fear and followed her.

* * *

The bustle of activity wasn't surprising if you were the one doing the activity, but Ikkaku smirked at the surprised look on Captain Soifon's face as she took in the sight of the fighting division's handiwork.

"A barbeque…"

"You got it," Ikkaku grinned, continuing to chop away at the ice.

Kira glanced at the older shinigami and grimaced. "A distraction?"

"You got it," Ikkaku repeated, methodically hacking at the smallish chuck of ice left in the large barrel.

Kira looked dismayed at the thought. Yumichika wandered over, a smile on his face. He scooped some ice into his cup, craftily avoiding Ikkaku's sharp knife and offered it to Soifon.

"It isn't wine, but it will have to do." Yumichika looked apologetic as she took a sip. Kira found himself watching the two with some unidentified emotion boiling inside of him.

"Grape juice?" the captain looked surprised at Yumichika.

"Unfortunately it's all we have," the pretty shinigami pouted. "Not that I condone drinking of any sort."

"It's a rather nasty habit," Soifon agreed.

It was Kira's turn to pout. Ikkaku grinned as poked the young lieutenant with his elbow. "Jealous?" he whispered, a manic grinned spreading across his features.

"No," Kira whispered back, watching as Yumichika walked with Soifon to where the rest of the division was busy working.

"'Cause I can help if ya are…"

"I'm not."

"I don't believe you." Ikkaku lifted his head. "Renji!"

"What?" Kira's eyes widened and he ducked his head behind his arms. "No, don't call him!"

"Too late," Renji said, walking over to his two friends. "What's up?"

"Kira's got a crush."

"Yeah, I know. Momo's a cute kid."

"No," Ikkaku chuckled; dipping his head in the direction his best friend and the small captain went. "Soifon-taichou…"

"Soifon-taichou…" Renji muttered under his breath in disbelief, looking at Kira. From the blush on the blonde's cheeks it was evident it was true. Renji's mouth stretched into a wide grin. "She _is_ kind of pretty…"

"Kind of small though…" Ikkaku said.

"Izuru doesn't seem to mind…I think he's got some kind of fetish for small women…"

"I'm right here, you know." Kira said from behind his hands, his head on his knees in humiliation.

"Don't worry, little buddy," Renji patted his back. "'Kaku and I will take good care of you."

"I don't want any help…"

"You need it," Ikkaku said, popping a small sliver of ice into his mouth. "You have no luck whatsoever with women."

"And you to do?" Izuru shot back.

"Yeah, sure," Ikkaku said. "I hang out with Yumi don't I?"

"He knows all about what a classy dame like Soifon would like." Renji said, sitting down beside Kira.

"I somehow doubt that."

* * *

AN: Sorry it's so short…didn't really have anything to write. Also sorry it took so long, FF was being evil and wouldn't let me update anything for ages. Sorry for any mistakes…too lazy to read through it. 


	5. Part IV: 4th Division

**For the Sake of Sake**

by

**Psycho-Neurotically Disturbed**

**Part IV: 4th Division**

**Disclaimer: Not mine!**

**AN: This is dedicated to Crazy Authoress CAT and AMS and to Judikickshiney because their reviews made me laugh.**

* * *

"Ayasegawa, why do you keep touching me?" Soifon removed the man's arm from around her shoulders and looked at him. 

"Because it makes Kira-kun so jealous," Yumichika said brightly, moving slightly so that she could see Kira. "Isn't he cute?"

Indeed Kira was sitting on the wooden walkway, listening to something Renji and Ikkaku were saying to him. His eyes flicked over to the captain and Yumichika briefly before he glared at some fascinating pattern in the dusty wood.

"What would he be so jealous of?" Soifon asked, confused.

Yumichika sighed, slightly disturbed by the woman's oblivious nature. "For being such a secretive woman, you really don't know anything, do you?"

"Excuse me?"

"When was the last time you went on a date?"

"Well, I, uh…"

"Okay, last time you hung out with some friends?"

"I don't remember."

"Do you even have any friends?"

"No…"

"See what I mean?"

"No," Soifon frowned at Yumichika. "What was you point again?"

"Have you ever considered dating a lower ranked officer? The captains are great, but not for you. I mean they're all either too old, too young, too creepy, too into Nanao. Seriously, do you think with Byakuya you really have a chance? No. Too furry, too well-guarded, a woman? What's left? Zaraki-taichou? I don't think you two would get along. Believe me; I think I know exactly what you need in a man."

"Yumichika, I—"

"You need someone taller than you, but not taller than everyone. Well mannered, well groomed. Talented, handsome, dashing, debonair…a man with good qualities, a good upbringing, and good taste. A man like—"

"You?" Soifon said dryly.

"No," Yumichika huffed, clearly insulted. "I'm much too far out of your league."

"But you just said—"

"I was talking about Kira, not myself."

"Huh?"

"Must I explain?" Yumichika sighed wearily. "Kira likes you."

"But, uh, I…" Soifon was at a lack for words.

"Form a sentence, dimwit. Stuttering like that does nothing for your beauty."

"But he's a lower officer!" Soifon managed.

"Yes, dear," Yumichika consoled, patting her hand. "He'll be hard for you to get, but I'll help you."

* * *

"Did you guys just see that?" Renji nearly choked, staring at Yumichika and Soifon. "He's holding her hand!" 

"I guess he lowered his standards…" Ikkaku observed.

"You're not helping," Renji remarked.

"Well, 'snot like Kira stands a chance against that!"

"I'm sitting right here, you know," Kira muttered.

"Anyway," Ikkaku promptly ignored Kira. "Yumi's been in a giving mood lately, which is probably why he's even talking to Soifon-taichou. Give it a couple days and he'll probably find some poor dog that needs a new haircut or something."

"You're saying a dog is better than Soifon-taichou?" Kira looked affronted.

"You never know with Yumichika," Ikkaku shrugged.

"Back to the problem," Renji said after a moment. "How do we get Soifon-taichou interested in Izuru? The guy can't go three feet without tripping over something."

"I can hear you, Renji." Kira frowned, glaring at his friend. "And I'm not a complete klutz."

"Yeah, I don't think he's fallen over his own feet this morning," Ikkaku agreed. "That's good, right?"

"Anyway, you guys don't have to help me."

"Of course we do," Renji patted his friend's shoulder. "You need all the help you can get."

* * *

"What brings you here, Kurotsuchi-taichou?" Isane asked carefully, observing the twelfth division warily. "Did you need to see Unohana-taichou?" 

"No, no," Mayuri waved his hand, ignoring the girl. "I want to analyze the alcohol you've hidden in your division. Seeing multiple persons reacting to the removal of it, I find it may be useful as a potent drug."

"But, Kurotsuchi-taichou, there is no alcohol here," Isane explained, not even wanting to know about why he would want to use alcohol as a drug. "We got rid of all of it by orders of Soutaichou."

"No sake?"

"Burnt, Sir."

"No wine?"

"It was poured down the drain."

"Rum?"

"Unohana-taichou disposed of that herself."

"Rubbing?"

"Rubbing alcohol?" Isane stared at Mayuri. "Yes, Sir, we do have that, but I don't see why you'd—"

"Never mind, you foolish girl," Mayuri disregarded her. "I expect to have a large supply of rubbing alcohol delivered to my labs within the hour, is that clear?"

"Yes, Sir," Isane decided it was best to just agree to whatever he wanted.

"Good," Mayuri nodded at her and turned to leave.

"Uh, Sir?" Isane called out tentatively.

"What is it?" Mayuri snapped, looking at her in annoyance.

"Are you aware that you are covered in tea?"

"Blame that stupid Kyoraku for that, dear girl," Mayuri grumbled, looking down at his stained captain's coat as he turned to leave again. "That fool has no sense of right and wrong."

Isane once again decided it was best not to say anything.

* * *

"Miss Hinamori?" Hanatarou knocked on her door, waiting for the girl to answer. "It's time for your walk." 

The door creaked open and Momo smiled at him, "Thank you, Hanatarou. I was looking forward to our outing."

"You were?" the small shinigami beamed at her. "Where would you like to go today, the park or gardens?"

"I was wondering if we could go somewhere else today, Yamada-kun."

"Sure," Hanatarou nodded happily. "Anywhere you'd like."

* * *

"He left," Iba said, staring at the empty doorway. "What do we do now?" 

"Infiltrate, of course," Matsumoto stood, hands on her hips. "Who's with me?"

"Matsumoto," Hisagi tugged on her sleeve.

"What?"

"I don't think your captain is with you."

"What?" Matsumoto looked at Hitsugaya. "He's still here?"

"Matsumoto," Hitsugaya gritted his teeth. "Paperwork, now."

"But I'm on a mission."

"Not anymore," Hitsugaya started to pull her away.

"May the mission live on without me!"

"Bye," Hisagi and Iba waved as she was dragged off.

"So what do we do now?" Iba asked, adjusting his glasses.

"I guess we go in…" Hisagi answered.

* * *

"But Nanao-chan, we need your help," Shunsui whimpered to his lieutenant. 

"You certainly didn't need my help dumping tea on Kurotsuchi-taichou," Nanao said primly. "He sent us a dry cleaning bill for his coat and robes. It wasn't cheap, but thankfully now your alcohol money can go in the accidents fund."

"You're too mean to me, Nanao-chan."

"Shunsui," Ukitake finally spoke, ignoring their little quarrel. "Aren't you due for a trip to the rukongai? Why don't you go get drunk there or something?"

"Jyuu," Shunsui hugged his friend. "I always knew you were brilliant. I'll go there immediately, don't you worry."

"I wasn't worried, until now." Ukitake sighed, looking past Shunsui at Nanao. "Are you going with him?"

"No," Nanao frowned at her captain, who now had a dreamy look on his face. "I suppose you aren't either."

"I do have a division to run…"

"Well, whatever Kyoraku-taichou does, it'll be on his head."

"You wound me so, Nanao-chan." Shunsui whimpered, trying to hug her.

"Stop that, you fool." Nanao whacked him with her book.

Jyuushirou winced.

* * *

_Much longer walk than I remember_, Yamamoto thought to himself, walking slowly forward. He was still on his way to eleventh division, but he didn't remember all the twists and turns in the street. _Ah, finally here_. He paused, since when did the eleventh division gates have the number five on them? He must have taken a wrong turn. He had rotated to head back towards the eleventh when he heard voices coming from the other side of the wall. Somewhere in his mind he recognized the female to be Hinamori Momo, but was clueless on who the young boy was. 

_What is she doing up and about_? He wondered, lowering his spiritual pressure.

"Hanatarou, just wait there for a second, okay?" Momo walked into her division, waving to Hanatarou to let him know she'd be right back. She entered her quarters and glanced around, looking for something. There it was. She picked up the book and walked back out.

"We stopped here for a book?" Hanatarou asked when he saw what was in her hands.

"I like this book," she answered, patting it.

"Okay," Hanatarou looked at it. "What book is it?"

"Nothing important," Hinamori said, tucking it under her arm. "Just a book."

"All right," the small shinigami looked around. "Now where would you like to go?"

Hinamori glanced around; her eyes fell on a plume of smoke. "The eleventh division."

"What?" Hanatarou squeaked.

_Hmm…_Yamamoto frowned, hiding himself as they left the gates and disappeared down the street. He started to follow them. _I'd better see what she's up to_.

* * *

"Yachiru," Kenpachi stared at his subordinates. "What are Yumichika and Ikkaku doing?" 

"I think they're trying to find the sad boy a girlfriend."

"Sad boy?" Kenpachi looked around and spotted Kira who did look more than a little depressed. "I see."

"I don't think it's a good idea," Yachiru said, pouting a little. "They might make someone mad."

"Is that so?" Kenpachi wasn't really paying attention to her anymore. The sight of Kyoraku-taichou trying to climb over the wall was more interesting.

"Yep," Yachiru nodded.

"Go get yourself something to eat," Kenpachi said, standing up slowly. "I gotta talk to someone."

"Okay!" Yachiru scampered off to bug her subordinates into giving her some food. Zaraki stood and walked over to where Shunsui was dusting himself off.

"The gates were open, ya know."

"Oh yes, I know, but this way just seemed like more fun." Shunsui grinned, fixing his hat. "Ukitake and I were talking and he gave me the most brilliantly wonderful idea, but I need your help."

"What's that?"

"You'll see…" Shunsui's fanatic smile widened. "We just need to go on a little trip."

* * *

AN: I put this up rather fast, didn't I? 


	6. Part V: 5th Division

**For the Sake of Sake**

by

**Psycho-Neurotically Disturbed**

**Part V: 5th Division**

**Disclaimer: Not mine!**

**AN: Dedicated to Judi and Crazy Authoress…because…Yumichika is my favorite, too. Also, I think this is going to be a LONG chapter. I hope…**

* * *

**Saskibe was against it to begin with. He was French after all (or, at least, appeared that way) and he was more than a little accustomed to having a glass of wine every night. Several glasses, in fact.**

**Which was why he was probably more than a little upset when fourth division third seat, Yaruchika Iemura, emptied his wine cellar. The man had said it was by orders of the soutaichou and that there was absolutely nothing the lieutenant could do about it. **

**Which was precisely the reason Saskibe Chojiro had to take matters into his own hands.**

**

* * *

**

**"Now the first thing we really need to do is to get you spruced up a bit," Yumichika smiled, a very calming thing if you didn't know him. "Your hair looks like a dying bush, we'll start with that."**

**"I—"**

**"Whatever you have to say doesn't matter," Yumichika tutted, dragging her inside the living quarters of the eleventh. "I'm positive I have something that will make you appear to be beautiful."**

**"I don't want your help," Soifon grumbled as he pushed her down to sit in a chair.**

**"You **_**need**_** it."**

**"Well, I—"**

**"Trust me, Soifon-taichou," his voice was very reassuring, but the glimmer of excitement in his eyes wasn't. "Do you think I am capable of making you look any worse than you already do?"**

**Soifon took a moment to look at Yumichika and shrugged to herself. It was kind of doubtful he'd do anything too embarrassing considering she was a higher officer, but he was part of the eleventh division and they were known to be a little malicious at times. However, that aside, from what she'd seen, Yumichika Ayasegawa appeared to be a very prideful, but perfectly perceptive man. **

**"You have my permission, Ayasegawa."**

**"Thank you," Yumichika started to hum pleasantly as he got to work. "Believe me, Soifon-taichou, Kira won't know what hit him the next time he sees you."**

**

* * *

**

**Shunsui peered out of the doorway, his hat enveloping his eyes in shadow. If not for his unconventional coat and rather feminine hair piece, the eighth squad captain might have looked almost mysterious. **

**Seeing as there was no one in sight, Shunsui motioned that it was safe to his partner in crime to come forward.**

**"What are you doing?" Kenpachi observed the man carefully. "I'm right behind you."**

**"Shh, you'll ruin the game!"**

**"Don't tell me you're trying to—"**

**"Quiet!" Shunsui ducked his head back behind the door. "They'll hear you!"**

**"Excuse me," a deep voice came from behind them.**

**"What?" Kenpachi growled to the intruder.**

**"Could you two possible continue your conversation elsewhere? You're frightening away my customers."**

**"Oh, uh, sure," Shunsui smiled, nodding. "I'm sorry, Sir. I have a question though…"**

**"Which is...?"**

**"Is there anywhere around here that I can buy a large amount of alcohol without being noticed?"**

**"Alcohol?" the shopkeeper's eyes glinted. "I heard that it was banned among the Gotei 13."**

**"Oh, really?" Shunsui looked confused. "I didn't know that, since we aren't from around here, you know. We're but poor, starving musicians from the rukongai looking for a home."**

**"Kyoraku…" Kenpachi sighed, rubbing his temple.**

**"Poor, starving singers looking for love—I play the guitar myself, actually and he's the singer who's looking for some love."**

**"Where are your instruments?"**

**"They were stolen." Shunsui sighed wistfully. "What is a handsome guitarist searching for love to do?"**

**"You look like two captains from the protection squads to me," the shopkeeper said.**

**"What? No way…"**

**Kenpachi decided to let this play out and kept quiet.**

**"You both have zanpakuto."**

**"Anyone could have zanpakuto!"**

**"You have two."**

**"It was a buy one, get one deal."**

**"And the coats?"**

**"We found them."**

**"What about both of your overwhelming spiritual pressure?"**

**"What spiritual pressure?"**

**"You managed to break three of my vases since we started talking."**

**"Uh, we'll pay for that…" Shunsui sighed, hand over his heart. "You wound me with your distrust of us, Sir."**

**"Do you got money?"**

**"I said I'd pay for them!"**

**"No, for the alcohol."**

**"Oh," Shunsui grinned, tossing an arm around the shopkeeper. "You remind me of an aunt I used to have. She never trusted me around pottery either," Kenpachi grunted to himself as Shunsui fell into a long meaningless story that no one was actually listening to.**

**The shop keep led them to the back of the store and into the cellar. "It's not exactly the nicest stuff, but it'll do the trick."**

**"That's wonderful," Shunsui grinned, eyeing the barrels joyously. "Can you secretly transport them into the Gotei 13 without any trouble?"**

**"Sure, but it'll cost you."**

**"Whatever you want," Shunsui said, hugging a keg. **

**

* * *

**

**"Shh, they'll hear you!" Hisagi whispered as he and his fellow lieutenant crept down the fourth division corridor. Iba's footsteps softened and they continued on their way.**

**"I don't think anyone's even here," Iba frowned as they peered around another corner. "It's empty."**

**"Whisper," Hisagi reminded him, peeking into a closet. "We're on a mission here."**

**"Well, I just don't think we need to be so secretive if there's no one here."**

**"That's what they want us to think, Iba."**

**"Huh?"**

**"They're trying to trick us, but it's not going to work."**

**"I see," Iba frowned. "What do you make of those signs everywhere say what time their meeting is?"**

**Hisagi stared at the paper affixed to the wall. "Well, it's obviously a ruse."**

**"No offense, but I'm beginning to doubt you a little."**

**"Yeah, whatever," Hisagi shrugged. "Let's get going, we're doing this for Matsumoto-san, remember?"**

**"How could I forget?"**

**

* * *

**

**"Akon, could you hand me that vial?"**

**"Yes, Sir," Akon carefully handed the vial of clear liquid to his captain. "If I may ask, Sir, what is that?"**

**"Isopropyl-class rubbing alcohol." **

**"Sir," Akon frowned, watching Mayuri sniff the liquid. "You know that's poisonous, right?"**

**"Of course I do, you fool!" Mayuri threw the vial on the floor, shattering it. "What do you take me for, a complete idiot?"**

**"No, of course not, Captain."**

**"Well, then I expect you to treat me with more respect."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Where did that blasted vial get to?"**

**"You dropped it, Sir."**

**"Well, clean it up and get me another one!"**

**"Of course, Captain Kurotsuchi."**

**"Now, Akon…"**

**"Yes, Sir?"**

**"If you were to ingest a certain amount of this…"**

**"It could be lethal."**

**"Interesting."**

**

* * *

**

**"Ah, Shunsui, you're back," Jyuushirou greeted.**

**"And surprisingly sober," Nanao commented, eyeing her captain. "Were all of the bars closed?"**

**"My silly Nanao-chan," Shunsui smiled fondly and shook his head. "You're in a good mood today, aren't you? I can tell from your words that you were worried the long time I was gone that I wouldn't return to you."**

**"I was no such thing, Sir," Nanao frowned. "You were gone for two hours and during that time I did **_**your **_**paperwork for you."**

**"Now, Ise-san, be nice," Ukitake held back a chuckle. "Shunsui, even I have to admit I thought you'd be gone much longer. Your drinking binges usually last a day."**

**"I didn't drink anything."**

**"What?" both Ukitake and Nanao looked surprised.**

**"I thought my lovely Nanao would be disappointed with me if I went drinking without her."**

**"How wrong you were, Sir."**

**"Now, don't be so harsh, my bitter Nanao-chan. I'll take you with me next time. "**

**"No thank you, Sir."**

**"You wound me daily, don't you my cruel Nanao?"**

**"Sir, I would really appreciate it if you would stop hugging me."**

**"I'd do it if I were you, Shunsui." Ukitake warned his friend, but there was still a smile on his face. **

**"My Nanao doesn't want to hurt me."**

**He was promptly smacked with her book.**

**"That didn't hurt at all," Shunsui managed, letting go of his lieutenant and rubbing his arm.**

**

* * *

**

**"There, that color looks wonderful on you," Yumichika gushed, fluffing Soifon's hair. "I can't imagine a standard male who wouldn't at least glance at you in that. Kira's in for the surprise of his unimaginative life."**

**"Can I ask without insulting you why you have women's clothing in your room?"**

**"You never know when you might need them," Yumichika shrugged. "Aren't you glad I did have that kimono? It's just your size and that color red is rather flattering on you."**

**"This outfit is out of the question. Regulations state that while on duty all shinigami are expected to be in the given uniform."**

**"No one follows that rule," Yachiru said from the window. "She looks different… You did a good job."**

**"How right you are, my lieutenant," Yumichika agreed, nodding his head in greeting. "See, even Kusajishi-san thinks that my insufficient help was a wonderful change for you."**

**"You should put her hair up," Yachiru squinted, trying to think of another change. "With a flower…a big one."**

**"It took me ten minutes to convince her that the way she had her hair bound was hideous. I'm not about to waste any more of my precious time arguing with her."**

**"I'll do it," Yachiru walked to Soifon and frowned. "Let him do your hair or else I'll make sure your lieutenant knows where you are."**

**"You wouldn't."**

**The look on Yachiru's face told Soifon that there was no way she could get out of this predicament without having to deal with the overeager pomp that happened to be her subordinate.**

**With a sigh she degraded herself to being under the control of the lieutenant and fifth seat of the eleventh squad.**

**"Don't worry, Soifon-taichou, it's impossible for me to make you look bad."**

**Soifon frowned at his words, but, looking in the mirror, she couldn't help but admit that Yumichika was all he considered himself to be. Of course, she wasn't about to admit that to him.**

**

* * *

**

**"Look who we've got our Hanes on now."**

**"What was that, Matsumoto?"**

**"Uh, nothing, Sir…" Rangiku sighed, signing yet another useless paper she wasn't about to read. "Did this stack get bigger?"**

**"No, you're just imagining things."**

**"Oh," she looked over at her captain and his empty desk. "You're done?"**

**"You've been daydreaming for almost an hour."**

**"I think you gave me part of your paperwork."**

**"I didn't," Hitsugaya sighed, standing up. "I'm going to get some more tea."**

**"Oh, I'll get it for you, Sir." Rangiku was already up before he could protest. "And I'll get you one of those roll thingies you like so much, too."**

**Hitsugaya sighed as he watched her leave. Something told him she wasn't coming back.**

**

* * *

**

**"Miss Hinamori!" Hanatarou was a few feet behind her. "Please slow down."**

**"Oh, I'm sorry, Hanatarou." Momo waited for him to catch up. "Nice day, isn't it?"**

**"I guess so…"**

**"It is!" Momo frowned at him. Hanatarou cowered at the dark look in her eyes. **

**"Yes, Momo-san, it is a very nice day."**

**"That's what I thought," she nodded primly and started walking again.**

_**Hinamori seems to be up to full health.**_** Yamamoto noticed as he trudged behind the two young shinigami. **_**I'll have to ask Unohana if she is capable of returning to her post.**_

**The eleventh division was looming near. Yamamoto turned as he felt Saskibe's spiritual pressure near him.**

**"Ah, Chojiro, what brings you here?"**

**"Sir," Saskibe bowed briskly to his captain. "Why has all of my wine gone missing from my cellar? When you spoke of prohibition, I thought you merely meant open bars and such, not private holders."**

**"When I said no alcohol within these gates, I meant it."**

**"But some of those bottle were priceless, Sir! One of them was dated 1671, that one was special to me, I got—"**

**"Yes, I know, you got it on your first mission to the human world, I am aware."**

**"And you let them take it away from me?"**

**"I had it stored for you…"**

**"Thank you, Sir, but it's not the same."**

**"What's that?"**

**"I can't sleep without a glass of wine before bed, you know that."**

**"Try sparkling grape juice, Chojiro. I've heard it tastes quite like it."**

**"Sir, I—"**

**"Quiet!" Yamamoto hushed him, pointing ahead at Momo and Hanatarou. "They're on the move!"**

**

* * *

**

**"Renji, I don't think flirting with another girl is going to impress her."**

**"No, it will!" Renji seemed certain. "Just make sure she sees you."**

**"If you haven't noticed, there aren't very many girls around here."**

**"Huh?" Renji frowned, glancing at Ikkaku, who had opted out of Operation: Help Kira Get Soifon—cleverly named by Renji—and decided it was better not to be on either side, in case Yumichika actually did like the captain.**

**"It's the eleventh division. The only girl here is Yachiru."**

**"Oh, yeah…forget my plan then." Renji sat down and sighed, "Well now what?"**

**"I think I should just go…she's been with Yumichika for a long time now and I—"**

**"Whoa." Ikkaku's voice stopped the discussion between them and the two lieutenants stopped to take in the sight of the refurbished Soifon-taichou. **

**Renji let out a low whistle, and under his breath stated, "Yumichika did good."**

**"Is that—" Kira asked, eyes wide.**

**"It is," Ikkaku nodded, chuckling at the younger man. "Yumi's talented like that."**

**"They're staring," Soifon whispered, glaring at Yumichika. "This is stupid, I'm going to change."**

**"No, stop," Yumichika took her arm and looped it through his. "That is definitely a good stare. You just aren't used to it because you never bother to pay attention to anything but your work."**

**"I look dumb and now your entire squad is going to see me."**

**"I really don't think they mind, Soifon-taichou." Yumichika patted her hand almost fondly and led her down the walkway toward Ikkaku. "Hello boys."**

**"Hello, Yumichika," Kira said, looking down. "Soifon-taichou," he mumbled, ducking his head a little.**

**"Hello, Kira." Soifon glanced at Yumichika. That didn't seem like a good sign.**

**"Renji, Ikkaku," Yumichika addressed the two. "Could you two help me for a minute?"**

**"Uh, sure…" Ikkaku took the hint, pushing Renji to his feet. **

**"We'll be back in a minute," the redhead promised.**

**"Oh, okay," Kira looked up, his face pale.**

**Soifon and Kira were silent as the three men walked off.**

**"Uh, that's a red thing in your hair…it looks like, uh…it's a nice-looking flower," Kira took a breath, looking away from her, his cheeks red again. "I mean, you look nice, Soifon-taichou."**

**"Thank you, Kira…"**

**It was silent again, both parties blushing slightly.**

**"Kira, I--" Soifon was just about to say something to break the silence when a shrill female voice did it for her.**

**"Hold on just a second, there!"**

**"Excuse me?" Soifon looked over to where Hinamori stood at the gates, book under her arm and a frown on her usually pleasant face.**

**"Momo?" Kira stood up, taking a step in her direction, but stopped when Soifon put a hand on his arm.**

**"I'll handle this, Kira."**

**"Don't you dare!" Momo growled, leaving a cowering Hanatarou at the entrance and strode to Soifon and Kira. The two women stood eye to eye, neither batting a lash.**

**"Did you need something, lieutenant?" Soifon asked, keeping her voice even.**

**"I don't want you talking to him." Momo gritted out, glaring at her superior. "You're not worth his time."**

**"And I suppose you are?"**

**"I definitely am," Momo took a step closer, looking ready to pounce, but was pulled back just in time by the hulking form of Kenpachi Zaraki.**

**"I suggest you stand down, lieutenant." Kenpachi rumbled, seeming very imposing to the small girl. "She's done nothing to you."**

**"She's trying to trick him!"**

**"Momo," Renji parted from Ikkaku and Yumichika who were watching from the doorway. "What are you doing here? You aren't supposed to even be out of the fourth division gates," he glared at Hanatarou who cowered. **

**"I wanted to see Izuru…" Hinamori frowned, lunging at Soifon again. Kenpachi's hand gripped the back of her clothes. "She was talking to him!"**

**"Momo, it's okay, I won't talk to her…" Kira stood up, looking apologetic to Soifon. "What did you want?"**

**"I…" Momo shook her head. "I don't know."**

**"You didn't take your medicine today, did you?"**

**"No," Momo's shoulders drooped and Kenpachi released his hold on her.**

**"Why don't we go back to see Unohana-taichou?"**

**"Okay," Momo eagerly went for Kira's hand, but Renji grabbed her around the shoulders and pulled her to him. "I'll take her back for you, okay?"**

**"But, Renji, I can do it…"**

**"No such doing," Renji refused his offer. "I need to talk to Momo anyway. It's been a while."**

**"I see," Kira nodded, taking a step back and almost bumped into Soifon. She steadied him and looked at Momo.**

**They held each other's eyes for a moment before Momo let hers drop to the ground. Renji gently escorted her out of the gates.**

**Soifon pulled the flower out of her hair and stared at it thoughtfully.**

**"I'm sorry…" Kira said quietly, looking down at her, "for putting you in that situation."**

**"It wasn't your fault," Soifon said, crushing the flower in her hands. She dropped it on the ground as she turned away from him. "I just didn't know you liked her…"**

**Kira's mind blanked as she walked away. "Soifon-taichou, I…wait, please!"**

**She didn't stop. Kira looked to Ikkaku and Yumichika for guidance.**

**"Go after her, you dumb idiot," Ikkaku grunted, pointing in the direction of Soifon. "Momo's gonna be fine. Renji's with her."**

**"But she's upset…" Kira said, looking toward where Renji and Momo had disappeared.**

**"So is Soifon," Yumichika said sullenly.**

**"Who do I go to then?"**

**Yumichika frowned at him, "I can't be expected to fix everything for you."**

**"But, you—"**

**"Just go, you'll know whether or not you made the wrong choice."**

**Kira nodded after and moment and flashstepped away.**

**"That idiot and his woman problems," Ikkaku sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Was Hinamori off her rocker or what?"**

**"That's such a hideous phrase, Ikkaku," Yumichika said with distaste. "I wish you wouldn't use it."**

* * *

**AN: Wow, over three thousand words, that's a record for me. I was totally laughing while trying to write that last part…pretty dumb, huh?**


	7. Part VI: 6th Division

**For the Sake of Sake**

by

**Psycho-Neurotically Disturbed**

**Part VI: 6th Division**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

* * *

Night fell in the seireitei, obscuring the buildings into shadow and only the dying fires from the 11th division barbeque were still flickering occasionally. Yamamoto sat in his chair, staring off into space. Saskibe coughed slightly, breaking the silence.

"Captain, I—"

"Can't you see I'm thinking, Chojiro?" Yamamoto grumped. "Be quiet."

Saskibe fell silent.

All was still for a few minutes. The first division lieutenant jumped at the sound of Yamamoto's cane tapping the floor.

_Tap._

_Tap._

_Tap._

He looked over to see if his captain needed something. No, his eyes were closed and…was he humming?

Chojiro held in a sigh. How he hated that cane. He was almost certain the soutaichou did it on purpose. The constant tapping that that cane did whenever his captain was "thinking".

_Tap._

_Tap._

_Tap._

Chojiro closed his eyes, trying to drown out the tapping and the old man's humming. What was he going to drink tonight if he couldn't have his wine? He supposed he could settle for some strong tea, perhaps with a dash of—

_Tap._

_Tap._

_Tap._

Chojiro winced in annoyance and cracked an eye open. There was a smile on Yamamoto's face. The lieutenant frowned and gripped his own sword in irritation. Gonryomaru shook a little in discontentment. Saskibe was certain his captain was thumping his cane on purpose just to annoy him. He'd never tell the general, but his little habit of smacking the cane on the ground and humming were extremely vexing. Besides that, the soutaichou was also always telling everyone around him to be quiet and then would monopolize the conversation.

_Tap._

_Tap._

The tapping was slowing down and the humming had stopped. Saskibe looked over at the captain, who was staring at him.

_Tap._

"Is there something wrong, Chojiro?" Yamamoto lifted a shaggy brow. "You look tense."

"It's nothing, Sir. Just—"

"Ah, well, then, I have an idea." Yamamoto sat quietly for a minute, thinking again, but not too deeply since his eyes stayed open. "I'm afraid that a few of my children are getting themselves in trouble again and we need someone to intervene."

"Sir?"

"I was thinking it was high time for Captain Kuchiki to become involved in this, don't you?"

* * *

"I told you not to open the door! Why did you open the door?" Hisagi asked, pulling madly on the doorknob. "You've locked us in here!"

"You're the one who followed me in," Iba frowned, leaning against a cabinet. "It's not that bad anyway. We're stuck in a supply closet. There's plenty of stuff to do in here."

"Like what? Reroll bandages? I don't think so," Hisagi rested against the locked door. "We're going to have to break the door down."

"I thought you didn't want them to find us," Iba adjusted his glasses.

"Well, that was before we got locked in a closet. I changed my mind. Just because—" he stopped, hearing footsteps. Hisagi pulled his sword out and eyed the door, but after a moment of thought sheathed the weapon. No need to scare a fourth division officer for no reason.

The footsteps stopped outside of the door.

The lock clicked.

Light invaded the small room, showering the two men inside.

"What are you—" Hisagi didn't give the healer time to finish as he pulled them into the closet and pushed the door, leaving it open a crack.

"Isane?" Iba set a roll of bandages down. He looked at Hisagi. "What're you doing, Shuhei?"

"I'm forming a plan." Hisagi rolled his eyes. "Isane, are you off duty yet?"

"I am, but I told Unohana-taichou I'd put a few supplies up before I left for the night."

"Oh, uh," Hisagi frowned and opened the door. He pulled the cart into a small room with them.

"Can you stop bringing things in here?" Iba complained, pushing the cart to the side. "It's getting crowded in here."

"Shut up," Hisagi started unloading the cart, putting things in the correct spots. "Help with this."

"Uh, Hisagi-san?" Isane frowned in confusion. "What are you doing?"

"We're finishing your work for you so you can come with us," Hisagi explained, handing the last bottle of aspirin to Iba. He pushed the cart into the corner by two others.

"Go with you where?"

"Well, we were thinking along the lines of taking you hostage and making you tell us where the alcohol is."

Isane laughed, "Thank you for putting that up for me, but—"

Hisagi frowned. "I was being serious, Isane."

"Oh…" Isane paused. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. I promised Kiyone that I'd have tea with her tonight."

"Is that so?" Hisagi sighed. "We're still taking you hostage…."

"Um, why don't you just come with me? Kiyone wouldn't mind and you know how Captain Ukitake likes the company…"

"I guess we could just keep an eye on her…" Hisagi mumbled.

"She's off duty anyway, so she can do whatever she wants," Iba shrugged.

Hisagi and Iba looked at each other for a moment before they agreed to go with her.

* * *

"Lieutenant Yachiru, what are you doing here?" Matsumoto asked as she finished her final sheet of paperwork. Fatigue had come over her and she wanted nothing more than to sleep it off.

"Yeah," Yachiru bounded into the woman's arm and frowned, looking at her seriously. "We need to go to the first division right away!"

"Why would we go there?" Matsumoto frowned, standing up, eager to leave.

"Because Ken-chan says it'll be fun!"

Matsumoto lifted a brow, curious. "Fun?" she repeated, a smile coming to her face.

* * *

"Captain, I must insist we leave immediately."

"Dear, sweet Nanao, why are you in such a hurry?" Shunsui asked, looking up at her from under the brim of his hat. "We have twenty minutes before we're supposed to meet up. A few flash steps and we'll be there in no time."

"Well, Captain Kyoraku," Nanao frowned, smacking his feet off of her desk with her fan. "You have a bad habit of stopping to talk to every girl we pass and it usually ends up with us being late."

"Jyuushirou doesn't care," Shunsui yawned, closing his eyes.

"Captain Ukitake might not, but I do," Nanao huffed slightly.

"Is that so?" One eye cracked open and Shunsui looked at her for a second. She did look a little put out. "I didn't know you cared so much, Nanao."

"Don't mock me," Nanao frowned.

"I wasn't," Shunsui sat up and pushed his hat into place. "I'm being truthful. I didn't know you cared."

"Of course I care, Captain." Nanao turned away from him. "You embarrass both of us with your foolish escapades."

"Ah, so you're only concerned about your own humiliation, not mine." Shunsui tossed his pink kimono over the back of his chair and set his straw hat on his desk. He smoothed a hand over his hair.

"Captain Kyoraku, what are you doing?" Nanao frowned, watching him straighten his white haori.

"I'm getting ready to go," Shunsui answered. "Let's see if I am capable of not embarrassing you for an entire night, Ise-san."

Nanao stood open mouthed as he exited the office. What came over him?

* * *

Yamamoto huffed as he slowly staggered up the steps to the sixth division. He was suspicious of Shunsui and Zaraki. When he had finally arrived at the eleventh division all he had found was a mysterious barbeque that had been set up instead of a bar. He immediately thought the lack of alcohol was doubtful and extremely suspicious. Yamamoto decided that it might be time to call in his secret weapon: one Byakuya Kuchiki.

Byakuya Kuchiki was one of the most trustworthy captains he had and he was certain that he would disagree with whatever Shunsui and Kenpachi were up to. He was planning on having the Special Forces find their secret stashes and parties he knew were going on, but first he needed Byakuya to find out where they were.

Had he been thinking correctly, Yamamoto would have never considered asking Byakuya to do this. Byakuya was one of the most trustworthy captains in his corps, it was only obvious that no one would tell him anything.

* * *

Once Hinamori was comfortably settled on her bed, Renji in the chair beside it, he frowned to himself. "Momo, why did you do that?"

"I don't know," Momo shrugged, looking a little ashamed. "Kira just looked so happy next to her. I guess I was jealous."

"Yeah, well, you had your chance with him," Renji shrugged, looking around the room as he spoke. It had white walls, but seemed extremely dark to him because there weren't any windows. "You were just too wrapped up in Aizen to notice anything."

"That's not fair, Renji." Momo set the book on the table by her bed. "You know as well as I do that—"

"What's that?" Renji interrupted, picking up the book. He flipped through the pages and glanced up at Momo. "This is a coloring book."

"It shows the future," Momo said quietly, taking it from him. She gently felt the cover, outlining the name _Superman_ with her hand.

"What are you talking about, Momo?" Renji frowned, concern evident on his face.

"The colored pictures…" Momo flipped the book open and pointed to a man with glasses wearing a black business suit. "They're things that have been…"

"It's just some guy in a suit." Renji said dully.

"No, it's more than that," she said quietly, tracing the man on the paper with her finger. "This is Captain Aizen."

"No," Renji shook his head. "That's not captain Aizen."

"It is," Momo insisted, turning it a few pages. They were all colored pictures of the man in the business suit. In a few he was talking to a woman in a black jacket and skirt with brown hair. "That's me," she said, pointing at Lois Lane. "This is the captain general." Perry White. "And this…" she pointed to a boy with red hair talking to Clark Kent. "This is you."

"What?" Renji looked down at the picture and frowned. There was some kind of caption at the bottom, but it was written in English. "That's stupid, Momo."

"No it isn't," Momo pointed at the picture. "You were angry with Captain Aizen before he left. What happened?"

"What?" Renji frowned, looking at the picture. The man in the suit looked kind and the red-haired boy didn't. "How do you know this was before he left?"

"Because," Momo flipped to one of the man ripping his suit off. The glasses were gone and a lock of hair fell into his eyes. The outfit was still white and black, but it definitely looked more menacing. "Captain Aizen looks like this now. Only a few of these are colored…"

Renji frowned, flipping through the pages. Most of them were of the man without glasses, fighting others. A bald man that had to be Ikkaku was in there often. An odd mechanical looking man that he assumed was Mayuri. They were still uncolored.

"Those are yet to come," Momo said solemnly, pulling the book away from Renji and closing it. "I'm sorry," she frowned. "I shouldn't have said anything about it."

"No," Renji shook his head. "I believe you."

* * *


	8. Part VII: 7th Division

For the Sake of Sake

By

PND

Part VII: 7th Division

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach.

AN: For Judikickshiney….because, well, she does.

* * *

Tea with Ukitake was a surprisingly dangerous thing, considering his two third seats were in a constant argument and Ukitake had to effortlessly kept his tea from spilling as the two tried their hands at who was better at pouring tea.

Hisagi began to wonder if their captain's health worsened in their care.

Iba added a few cubes of sugar to his tea and sniffed it experimentally. Sentarou knocked it out of Iba's hand with his elbow.

Ukitake gave a slight sigh and offered the lieutenant a napkin. Iba took it and mopped the sticky tea off of his foot.

"Isane tells me you two are kidnapping her?" Jyuushirou said, smiling at the surprised look on Iba and Hisagi's faces.

"Uh, yeah," Hisagi answered hesitantly. "We're holding her hostage until the fourth division tells us where all of the sake is."

"I see," Ukitake nodded, smile still present.

"That's dumb!" Kiyone stopped fighting with Sentarou to glare at the two younger men. "You're putting my sister in danger!"

"Calm down, Kiyone," Isane patted the small girl's head and smiled. "Nothing dangerous is going to happen."

"Somehow I'm beginning to think she considers this to be a joke," Iba said to Hisagi. Shuuhei's eye twitched in annoyance.

"Now, now," Ukitake chuckled, pouring a new cup of tea for Iba and separating his lieutenants at the same time. "Let's have a good time."

A knock sounded on the door and Kiyone jumped to her feet before Sentarou could. She raced to the door.

"Who could that be?" Ukitake wondered aloud, looking at the entrance.

Shunsui walked in.

Everyone did a double take.

No hat, no hairpiece, no kimono.

Strange.

And he knocked.

Very strange, indeed.

Nanao hovered in the doorway behind him, unsure of what to do. She'd never been in this situation with her captain before.

"Hello everyone," Shunsui said, entering and taking a seat on an empty cushion. "Thank you for inviting Ise-san and I, Ukitake-taichou."

Iba, Isane, and Hisagi weren't exactly close to Captain Kyoraku, but ever they knew that this was odd.

"You're a bit early, Shunsui." Ukitake and Nanao exchanged a look. Ukitake's was questioning, but Nanao's was…humiliation?

Isane looked to her fellow lieutenant as she sat beside her. "What's wrong, Ise?"

"My captain has decided to try to be serious for a change."

"It's weird," Iba grunted, sipping his tea.

"So is the fact that you are drinking tea," Hisagi said, eyeing his friend. "

"Is there a problem with that?" Iba's glasses glinted.

"Boys," Shunsui tsked at them. "That is no way to behave in front of ladies."

Everyone waited for Shunsui to crack a joke.

"Why is everyone staring at me?" the captain wondered.

"No reason," Ukitake faked a smile and waved absently.

"No, I want to know."

"I don't really think—"

Another knock interrupted them.

"I'll get it," Nanao said, standing and going to the door.

* * *

"You're such an idiot, Kira," Ikkaku glared at the younger boy. "How could you mess things up with her?"

"I didn't mean to," Kira looked up at the two eleventh division shinigami.

"It isn't a matter of whether you meant to or not," Yumichika frowned. "What matters is that you hurt the girl's feelings. You need to do something about it."

"What do you think I should do?" the blonde's face lit up expectantly.

"Don't look to me for advice," the pretty shinigami said, running his hand over his hair. "This isn't my problem to fix."

"Yumi's right," Ikkaku said. "If _you_ want Soifon-taichou, then _you _have to tell her. You can just go around your entire life doing what everyone else tells you."

"Yes, of course," Kira stood, bowing to the two. "Thank you."

"Ikkaku," Yumichika watched as Kira flashstepped away. His violet eyes narrowed for a second and he looked to his friend. "We had better go along, just to make sure he doesn't do the wrong thing."

"Just what I was thinking," Ikkaku agreed.

* * *

"What is this place?" Matsumoto said with wonder, eyeing the never-been-used party room in the 1st division. "Is that--?" She trailed off, her eyes falling on an object on the table.

"Yep," Yachiru answered.

* * *

Yamamoto was tired. This was the last straw. If he didn't find out what Shunsui and Kenpachi were up to he'd go bankai on the next person who spoke.

"Sir," Saskibe said hesitantly, noticing the spiritual pressure radiating off of the old man as he prattled slowly ahead of him. "Do you really think they'd be doing it somewhere so obvious?"

"Of course they would!" Yamamoto grunted, his cane striking the ground as he took another step. "They know how I think and they know I'll expect them to have it in the eighth, but I know it must be in the thirteenth! They're sly old dogs."

"Ukitake-taichou is such a respectable man, Captain."

"Which is another reason it's in his division!"

"Are you sure, Sir?"

"Are you implying something, Chojiro?" Yama narrowed his eyes at the lieutenant.

"No, my captain." Saskibe bowed slightly. "I apologize."

"Very well," Yamamoto teetered forward a bit as he reached the division gates. "And Byakuya has gone ahead?"

"Yes, sir."

* * *

"What does your book say, Momo?" Renji asked as he walked beside her.

"The pages aren't showing me anything new, Renji," Momo said, frowning at the coloring book in her hands.

"Oh," Renji looked a little disappointed. "You said I'm in there in the future, though?"

"Yes," Momo said, flipping the book to the end. They stared quietly at the picture of the man with glasses in the suit smiling at the woman and the boy. She spoke again, "Captain Aizen will come back to us."

* * *

Komamura sat quietly in his office, doing paperwork like any good shinigami should do. Iba had left hours ago, leaving his share of the paperwork on his desk.

Sajin shifted one canine eye to the pile.

His foot began to tap excitedly on the floor.

He shouldn't. After all, that was Iba's good fortune to do. He couldn't just steal all of that glorious paperwork from his unsuspecting lieutenant, could he?

He could feel the pen in his hand draw toward the large stack.

No, no, he still had his own to finish.

His nose twitched. There were only four pages left.

Iba must have at least fifty….

"Surely he won't miss one," he snaked out a paw and grabbed the entire stack from the desk and piled it on his own.

"That looked like more than one."

Komamura's head shot up and he looked to the doorway. "Oh, Hitsugaya-taichou," he stacked the papers neatly on his desk. "I didn't hear you come in…"

"I can see that," Hitsugaya let himself into the room.

"Can I help you with something?" Komamura asked, forcing himself to set the pen on the desk.

"I was wondering if you'd seen my lieutenant anywhere."

"No, I haven't seen her anywhere," Komamura cleared his throat.

"Have you seen yours?" Hitsugaya lifted a brow.

"Well, not recently." Komamura shifted in his seat, bumping the desk with his knee.

The pen rolled off and onto the floor.

"No!" Komamura stood, hands slamming down on the desk.

Hitsugaya just stared at him.

Komamura coughed.

* * *

"Captain Kuchiki," Nanao said in surprise. The stoic captain stood in front of her. She ushered him inside.

"Byakuya," Ukitake stood, ignoring cries of protest from his third seats. "What a surprise."

"Ukitake," Byakuya greeted in monotone.

"I wasn't expecting you," Jyuushirou smiled, halfway pushing the man onto a cushion. "Please, sit with us."

"How's your health?" Byakuya asked as the white-haired man sat down.

"I'm fine," Ukitake assured him, motioning for Kiyone to fetch some more cups.

"That's good to hear," Byakuya said blandly, gazing around the room. Ukitake seemed to have quite the assortment of guests.

Kiyone returned and started pouring tea. She set a cup in front of Byakuya, then passed two to Nanao and…

Byakuya hid his surprise.

That was Shunsui.

_He must be sober_, the noble mused to himself.

"Ah, Kuchiki-san," Kyoraku started paying attention to the noble. "I hear the sixth division looks better than ever."

"Yes," Byakuya answered, looking at Shunsui carefully. "My subordinates are succeeding much more quickly than I had hoped."

"Lieutenant Abarai must be quite the example for them having raised himself to such a high position from where he came from."

"I believe it should not matter where one came from," Byakuya said, picking up his cup of tea. "Skill and intelligence are what make a leader."

"I completely agree with you," Shunsui actually looked serious as he nodded.

Hisagi frowned to himself and leaned over to Iba and Isane. "Even Kuchiki thinks he's acting weird."

"Well…" Isane frowned, looking at the two men. "He is…Nanao," she turned to the woman beside her. "What's going on?"

"He's trying not to embarrass me," Nanao looked dismayed as she explained. "I wish he'd stop."

"I thought you always wanted him to act more like a captain," Isane said, looking mystified.

"I did," Nanao agreed. "But now that he's doing it, I wish he'd stop. He's been calling me 'Ise-san', not even Ukitake-taichou does that."

"Well, maybe you should do what he's doing," Iba said, an idea forming. "You know, dress up and flirt with women."

"Men," Isane and Hisagi corrected.

"You know what I meant," Iba frowned.

"That's too embarrassing," Nanao shook her head.

There were footsteps in the hall.

Everyone looked expectantly towards the door.

"Another guest?" Ukitake wondered, starting to stand up.

The door slid open.

Yamamoto burst slowly in.

"Be quiet and listen!"

* * *

"Shh, Ikkaku," Yumichika nudged his friend in the ribs. "We're here to watch, not participate."

"Well, I didn't think we'd beat him here," Ikkaku whispered.

"He's weighed down by thought and guilt," the beautiful man said, peeking out from behind the stone pillar they were hiding behind. "He's just taking his time."

"Well, Soifon-taichou's gonna bolt any second. You know that type can't sit still."

"That type?" Yumichika furrowed a feathered brow. "What type is she exactly."

"You know…" Ikkaku shrugged. "Hard headed, bossy, hard to please."

"And what type is Kira?"

"Eh, a pushover, docile, too willing."

"And what, pray tell, type am I?"

The look of annoyance on Yumichika's perfect face was almost enough to scare any man.

"Um…" Ikkaku frowned. "Pretty?"

"I want the truth, Ikkaku," Yumichika said, looking at him. "You seem to like cataloguing people. Incorrectly, I might add." The shinigami paused. "Except the pretty part…you were right on that one."

Ikkaku stayed silent, ignoring Yumichika's annoyed gaze. He suddenly frowned, pointing ahead. "Kira's here."

Surely enough, the thin figure of Kira Izuru was fast approaching Soifon.

* * *

END 


	9. Part VIII: 8th Division

For the Sake of Sake

By

PND

Part VIII: Eighth Division

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

For that girl who quotes it. She knows who she is.

* * *

"I'm disappointed, Jyuushirou."

The room fell silent as the old man slowly walked across the room.

"I apologize to say this before your friends," Yamamoto said softly, coming to a stop before his former student. "I never thought you'd be the one to be so rebellious or foolish."

"Sir?" Ukitake looked confused as he settled back onto his cushion.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," Yamamoto shook his head sadly. "I know exactly what this little party of yours is and I know what you're drinking."

Iba stopped sipping his tea and stared at it scrupulously. Shuuhei prodded him back to attention with his elbow.

"Oh," Ukitake suddenly looked understanding. "I'm sorry, Sensei. How rude of me," he pulled another cushion into the circle and motioned for the old man to sit. "I didn't realize you wanted to come, if I had I would have invited you."

Yamamoto sat himself on the cushion and stared at Ukitake for a moment. "You aren't very good at this, are you?"

"Well," Ukitake frowned, motioning for Kiyone to fetch another pot of tea. "Usually there aren't this many people."

"You've done this before?"

"Yes, of course. Many times."

Yamamoto could feel the eyes in the room turn to him.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Yamamoto-soutaichou?" Shunsui asked, motioning to his cup.

"Tea?" Yamamoto frowned slightly, looking at the confused faces in the room. Tea...

"Yes, it's quite good," Shunsui nodded. "Ukitake-san always has the best tea."

"Kyoraku?" Yamamoto took a good, long look at the man. "There's something different about you."

Nanao looked away in embarrassment. Isane patted her shoulder in understanding.

"Shunsui's..." Ukitake paused, frowning. "Shunsui is sober. I can't think of any other explanation, Sir."

"Is there something wrong with being sober, Ukitake-san?" Shunsui asked, looking dead serious.

"Nothing at all," Jyuushirou assured him, laughing nervously.

* * *

"Hitsugaya-taichou," Komamura looked down at the small captain. "What makes you think Matsumoto-fukutaicho or Iba might be here?"

"They practically live on alcohol," Toshirou explained as he and the massive captain snuck around the empty hallways of the eighth division. "I'm certain this division carries more alcohol than any other."

"What about eleventh?"

"They don't count," Hitsugaya said, not even taking that into consideration. "No one drinks as much as Kyoraku."

"Your lieutenant might," Sajin couldn't help but snicker.

"Oh, shut up."

* * *

"Renji!" Momo slammed the door open and practically ran into the office. She skidded to a stop in front of his desk. "Renji!"

"Momo?" Renji dropped his pen. "What is it?"

"Another picture is colored."

It was silent for a moment before Renji nodded slowly and picked up his pen again. "What happened?"

"Aizen..." Momo frowned, her eyes dropping to the open coloring book in her hands. "Captain Aizen's hurt."

"What?" Renji peered at the page. The man in the white cape was on the ground, the bald man hovering over him with a green rock. "That's crazy! Ikkaku isn't strong enough to beat Aizen! Not even with his ban—" Renji immediately shut up and went back to his paperwork.

"Not with what?" Momo looked curious.

"Nothing," Renji said tensely. "Forget I said it."

"Sure," Momo leaned on the desk, staring at the colored picture intently.

"You want to help with the paperwork?" Renji asked, trying to get her attention off of the Superman coloring book.

"Okay," Momo nodded, pulling Byakuya's chair over to Renji's desk.

"You know, you could've just sat over there..." Renji coughed slightly as she scooted right next to him.

"Wouldn't Captain Kuchiki be angry if I sat at his desk?"

"Well...he might not be happy about it..."

"See," Momo said primly, taking some of the papers from Renji and kicking her feet happily in the air. "It's better this way."

"Yeah, whatever," Renji chuckled, leaning back over his paperwork.

Momo paused her kicking feet for a moment and looked curiously at Renji. "Madarame-san's bankai isn't green is it?"

* * *

"This is amazing!" Matsumoto gushed, rushing over to the table. "I haven't seen this is ages!" She picked up the square box and hugged it.

"Let's play it!" Yachiru cheered, tugging the box out of the woman's grip and dumping the mat and spinner on the floor.

"We can't play this without another person," Matsumoto pouted as Yachiru unfolded the polka dotted plastic.

"I'll find someone then!" Yachiru was out of the room before Matsumoto could protest.

A moment later the pink-haired child returned, Saskibe-fukutaichou trailing after her, looking perturbed.

"I thought you said there was an emergency."

"There is, Frenchy-kun!"

Chojiro looked at the little girl, then Matsumoto, and finally the game on the floor.

A western game.

"Is that...Twister?"

* * *

"Soifon-taichou," Kira said tentatively, lowering himself to the ground beside her.

"Yes, Kira-fukutaicho?" Soifon asked, staring straight ahead.

"I'd like to apologize for my earlier behavior." Kira said. "It was unacceptable."

"I can't hear what they're saying," Yumichika whispered to himself, frowning a little. "We need to get closer!"

"They'll sense us for sure, Yumi." Ikkaku said as he peeked around the pillar. "Soifon _is_ in charge of the Special Forces, isn't she?"

"Well, if that's the case," Yumichika chuckled. "She probably already knows we're here."

"What? How?" Ikkaku checked to make sure his spiritual pressure was still hidden.

"There are spies everywhere." Yumichika frowned, shoving the older man slightly. "Now please be quiet, I don't want to miss this."

"Apology accepted," Soifon said, standing.

"Really?" Kira looked so hopeful that Soifon almost smiled.

"Of course," she turned, looking at him. "Now tell your friends to come out from their hiding place."

"What?" Kira turned just in time to Ikkaku and Yumichika duck back behind the pillar.

"They saw us!" Yumichika frowned, running his fingers through his hair quickly before stepping out into the open.

"Ayasegawa-san," Kira said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"To be honest we wanted to check up on you two."

* * *

"Kyoraku!"

Shunsui turned to Nanao's dismay. He looked surprised to see the pointy-haired captain come barreling toward him. "Oh, Zaraki-taichou, what brings you here?"

"What are you wearing?" Kenpachi asked as he came to a stop in front of the two eighth division officers.

"My uniform, of course," Shunsui smiled happily.

"That ain't your uniform," Kenpachi said slowly, eyeing the lack of pink. "Yer missin' your hat, too."

"Yes, I know," Shunsui's fake smile was still plastered on his face.

"You ain't gone traitor, have ya?"

"I would never do such a thing to a loyal friend, my dear, dear Kenpachi!" Shunsui declared, over-dramatizing his emotions.

"Yeah, okay..." Kenpachi eyed him warily. "As long as ya ain't switchin' sides on me."

"How's the speakeasy going so far, Kenpachi?"

"I sent Yachiru ahead ta prepare things." Zaraki said with a shrug. "She and Matsumoto ought ta have it ready by tomorrow. All we need is that 'special delivery' of yers."

"It should be here in the morning."

* * *

"Now to test it," Mayuri said, tugging on a pair of goggles. Nemu hid behind her clipboard. "Who should I test it on?" He wondered absently, looking around the lab at his subordinates. "No, no...None of you are powerful enough...FOR THIS!" Mayuri held up foaming vial of brown liquid. He eyed it proudly before frowning. "Too bad Ichimaru isn't here...he was up for anything." He turned slowly to look at Nemu. "I don't supposed you have any ideas, you dimwitted girl."

"No, sir."

"Hmm," Mayuri sighed disappointedly. "I guess it's Kyoraku then."

* * *

"Are the ropes really necessary?"

"I'll be the one asking the questions here," Shuuhei flashed a light in her face, momentarily blinding her. "What were you doing on the night of January 28th, 1933?"

Isane shut her eyes. "Can you get that out of my face?"

"Answer the question!"

"I don't know."

"A likely story," Hisagi rubbed his chin. "Uh, um..."

"Ask her where it is!" Iba volunteered from the couch.

"Yeah, where'd you hide the alcohol?"

"Why's your room so dark?"

"The blinds are closed—wait a second! How'd you know this is my room? It's uh...Iba's!"

"No it isn't."

"How do you know?"

"Because you didn't blindfold me on the way here."

"Oh yeah..."

"So, how long is this kidnapping thing going to last, because I have to be back in the fourth division by morning."

"I guess we got everything out of her, huh?" Iba said from the couch, grinning like an idiot.

"Yeah, but what if she talks?"

"Cut out her voice box!" Iba shouted excitedly.

"No, that seems like a little much..." Hisagi said thoughtfully. "'Sides, she could just write it down."

"Make her promise not to!"

Hisagi spun around to face her, hand held up in front of her face. "Pinky swear!"

* * *

"Captain?" Nanao knocked softly on the door. "Captain Kyoraku?"

There was no answer so she let herself inside as usual. "I would have thought with this little act of yours you would at least answer the door, but I guess—" Nanao stopped her complaint as she saw her captain slumped over the desk, pen in hand, snoring softly.

Nanao took in the sight. She'd seen him sleeping at the desk many times before, but never with a pile of paperwork in front of him, partially completed. She sighed.

* * *

Kyoraku woke with a splitting headache. It was so hard being sober. He stood up slowly and walked to the closet, pulling a clean captain's coat from his closet. He slid it on and turned back to the papers on his desk. There it was.

Draped gently over the back of his chair was his pink kimono and his straw hat hung from the back of his chair.

"She loves me," he slowly smiled to himself. "My lovely, sweet Nanao."

* * *

End Chapter. 


	10. Part IX: 9th Division

For the Sake of Sake

By

PND

Part IX: Division Nine

* * *

"Right hand red."

Matsumoto held her breath as she twisted between the arms and the legs, moving her hand from a yellow dot to a red one. She watched in amazement as Saskibe deftly interweaved through her appendages for a "left foot blue".

Yachiru spun again.

Right foot green.

"Hm," Yachiru frowned, eyeing the board. "Left hand yellow."

Matsumoto slyly took the yellow nearest to Saskibe. If he got a yellow, he'd fall.

"Clever," Chojiro said with a smug grin. "But you'll have to do better than that."

"What?" Matsumoto lost her balance as Yachiru's next call of "right foot yellow" had Saskibe slipping past her to place his foot on the yellow dot next to her hand.

"How'd you do that?" Matsumoto gasped in amazement, staring up at him from her position on the ground. "That was impossible."

"My dear Matsumoto-san," Chojiro offered her a hand and helped her off of the mat. "You should know that I am a master of the Western games."

"You really know that much about the Western world?" Rangiku looked awed at him as he nodded. "Well, could you tell me about jigsaw puzzles? They look so complicated!"

"Of course," Saskibe nodded a slight smile on his face. "The jigsaw puzzle was commercialized in 1760 and comes in a variety of sizes from 250 pieces to well over a thousand. The interesting thing to know about jigsaw puzzles is that they can be—"

"Sorry to interrupt," a strange shinigami stood in the doorway, eyeing the three vice captains and the plastic mat on the floor. "I'm looking for Captain Kyoraku. Have any of you seen him?"

"You aren't a member of his squad," Matsumoto said slowly, looking at him carefully. She knew the members of the alcohol-loving eighth division like the back of her hand and this guy definitely wasn't recognizable to her in the least. "Who are you?"

"I...uh..." 

"He's with me, Rangiku." Nanao said, stepping past the strange man and into the room.

* * *

"Renji!" Momo gasped as she stared down at the coloring book she was flipping through while Renji did desk work. "There's going to be a party today!"

"A party?" Renji looked at her worriedly. "We don't know that."

"The book says so, so it must be true." Momo pointed out.

"Let me see," Renji stared at the page as Momo slid the book in front of him. "The only thing that's colored in is Aizen."

"Yes, Captain Aizen is coming," Momo sighed happily.

"Momo, I think that you're getting your hopes up."

"What do you mean?"

"The chances of Aizen showing up for a party here are very slim," Renji sighed. "I don't think he would come for no reason."

"Well, maybe we should create a reason for him to come," Momo nodded to herself and shut the book. "Come along, Renji."

"Where are we going?" Renji asked as he stood up, following Momo to the door.

"To make invitations of course!"

* * *

The breeze was quite lovely Yamamoto had decided as he staggered through the first division. It had a lovely smell, it almost reminded him of something, but he couldn't place what it was. 

He paused to gaze into one of the water fountains that decorated the spacious tiled courtyard of the first division. It seemed so peaceful, especially now that he was certain his dear Ukitake wasn't behind any sort of the mischief that had been going around for the past few days.

As he breathed in again ol' Yamaneggar realized just what that lovely scent was. He narrowed his eyes and gazed towards the eighth division. He grunted as he started his long, tedious journey towards Shunsui's office.

* * *

"Why do you think they would be here?" Hitsugaya asked as they wandered through the ninth division barracks looking for their lieutenants. "I don't think I've ever seen Matsumoto hang around here before."

"Well, I can sense Iba's spiritual pressure here." Komamura stopped outside of a plain door and knocked.

"Just a second!" Hisagi's voice called out.

Hitsugaya leaned forward as a shuffling was heard and something that sounded like a chair being dragged across the floor.

The door cracked open a second later and Hisagi poked his head out. "Sorry to keep you, oh—" He looked surprised at the visitors. "Captains Hitsugaya and Komamura! Is there something I can help you with?"

"No," Hitsugaya said blandly.

"I'm looking for my lieutenant," Komamura said, ignoring the boy beside him.

"Oh, sure," Hisagi ushered them inside. "Please, have a seat."

"We'll only be a minute," Sajin said, nodding at Iba and then Isane.

"Hopefully," Hitsugaya leaned against the doorframe.

"Iba, I did your paper work."

Iba's head shot up in surprise. "I'm sorry, my captain."

"I know you must be upset."

"I—uh...don't really know what to say." Iba said honestly, confused by his captain's words.

"You can take mine tomorrow if it'll make it up to you," Sajin bowed his head.

Isane and Hisagi exchanged looks.

Iba frowned, "But captain, I just couldn't possibly."

"Pish posh," Komamura shook his head. "You can't change my mind."

"But Captain—"

"Enough of that," Sajin stood, motioning for Iba to go with him. "We're leaving."

"Yes, Sir."

"Hisagi-fukutaicho," Hitsugaya looked at the older man curiously. "Why is Kotetsu here?"

"Um, book club?"

"That's interesting," Hitsugaya nodded as he walked out the door. "I heard that you kidnapped her."

"Who did you hear that from, Sir?"

"No one important," Hitsugaya walked off with a smirk.

"Um, Shuuhei?" Isane ventured quietly from her spot on the couch. "When can I return to my division? I'm sure Unohana-taichou's worried about me."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that. Iba's going to drop off a note saying you're unable to go."

"Oh, okay."

* * *

"Oh drat," Mayuri Kurotsuchi frowned to himself as he wandered past Yamamoto. He'd just left the eighth division and there was no sign of Kyoraku or his lieutenant. 

"Nemu," he turned to his lieutenant only to find her missing. "Where could she have gone?"

* * *

"What are these?" Ikkaku waved the bright pink envelope Renji had handed him. "It's sparkly..."

"I think it's quite lovely," Yumichika turned his envelope in the sunlight so that the sun made his name shimmer. "The glitter was a nice touch, Hinamori."

"Thank you, Yumichika-san." Momo beamed happily. "It took me all morning to make those."

"Time well spent," Izuru complimented, undoing the bunny sticker that held the flap of the envelope down.

"She spelled my name wrong," Soifon whispered to Ikkaku.

"At least your envelope isn't pink." Ikkaku retorted.

"Ikkaku, learn your colors! That happens to be magenta."

"Shut it, Yumi."

"Can we go now?" Renji asked, motioning the thick stack on envelopes in his hand. "We still have a ton of these things left to deliver."

"Yes, I'm sorry, Renji," Momo waved at the three men and Soifon. "Goodbye, please show up on time!"

"Sure," Soifon said insipidly.

"Soifon," Kira admonished, shaking his head. "Be polite! Momo was kind enough to invite us to a party. There's no need to be rude about it. I think you should go."

"I don't really think—"

"Please, Soifon," Kira almost pouted. "Come with me?"

"Well, I guess if you're going..."

"Good," Kira nodded happily and looked at the two eleventh division members. "Is there something wrong?"

"Not at all," Yumichika assured them, dragging a confused Ikkaku away from them. "We'll see you two later, okay?"

"Yumi, did he just ask her out?" Ikkaku asked once he recovered his wits.

"Yes he did," Yumichika smiled. "They look good together, don't you think?"

"I guess so..." Ikkaku sighed, looking at the pretty shinigami. "You're just happy your little game of match-maker worked, aren't you?"

"Just a little," Yumichika hummed, walking towards their division.

"And where are we going now?"

"Well, I can't show up to a party wearing this, can I?"

"Am I the only one who noticed the invite says 'Aizen's Coming Back Party' on them?" Ikkaku wondered, following Yumichika.

* * *

"Ukitake-taichou."

Jyuushiro turned at the sound of his name and smiled at the sight of Byakuya's emotionless face.

"Byakuya, are you still here?"

"It would appear so."

"Well, come here then," Ukitake motioned for him to stand next to him and gaze at the large garden in his division. "Lovely isn't it? I've heard from Rukia that it rivals the garden at your mansion, but I believe yours is prettier." Ukitake looked at his former student. "Did you need to talk about something?"

"Yes," Byakuya said, calmly gazing at the garden soaked in the sun's dying light. "Yamamoto believes that Kyoraku, Zaraki, and you are planning on illegally bringing alcohol into the Gotei 13 and plans on doing something about it. However, what he plans to do, I am not sure."

"Does he now?" Ukitake smirked, leaning against the railing to look down into the pond beneath them. "I guess that explains his little appearance earlier. That's good; I was worried he didn't like my tea."

Byakuya and Ukitake stood in silence for a minute before Ukitake sighed quietly. "Thank you for warning me about Yamamoto. I'm sure Shunsui will be thrilled."

* * *

"He's so flexible," Matsumoto said, watching Saskibe from afar as he spoke to the mystery shinigami about his collection of bobble heads. "He's smart and he has so many hobbies, Nanao."

"Rangiku," Nanao was unsure what to say about the situation. "Are you intere—"

"Na-na-oooooooo! Lovely, sweet, dear Nanao! Where are you, my one and only love?"

"Oh dear," Nanao resisted the urge to smack her head into the nearest wall. "Yes, Captain Kyoraku?"

"I'm so happy you met our guest since I was regrettably busy."

"Busy sleeping," Nanao said, glaring at him.

"Since I can't drink I have to do something with my day." Shunsui whined.

"Try finishing that paperwork you started," Nanao offered.

"But that stuffs a waste of time. You know Yama-jii trashes it the moment he gets it. It's all there for show!"

"Actually the General usually recycles it." Saskibe chipped in. "Thanks to my suggestion."

"And he cares about the environment," Matsumoto cooed at Nanao.

"That's enough, Rangiku. Just go talk to him."

* * *

"What's that on the door, Shuuhei?" Isane asked as they walked out of his room.

"Looks like an envelope," Hisagi ripped the rectangle from his door and tore it open. "Invitation to a party."

"Where?" Isane asked curiously. She never got invitations anywhere. 

"The first division?" Shuuhei frowned. "It must be some kind of joke."

"Are you going to attend?" Isane pointed at the time. "You can still make it, if you want. You have an hour."

"I couldn't just leave you here by yourself, Isane. That's rude."

"It's okay. I can get back by myself."

"No, I'll walk you back first..."

"But the party will be started by then."

"Then maybe you should just come with me?"

"Could I really?" Isane looked so hopeful that Hisagi had to role his eyes.

"Yeah, sure."

"Thank you, Shuuhei!" She wrapped her arms around one of his which Hisagi didn't seem to think was too horribly uncomfortable and the pair started towards the first division party room.

* * *

Yamamoto eyed the deserted eighth division with disdain. Shunsui must have known he was coming, that rascal! He'd show him! Shigekuni Genryuusai Yamamoto was not someone to be taken lightly.

"I'll get you, Shunsui Kyoraku," Yamamoto muttered under his breath, turning back towards his own division. "And those two scoundrels who are helping you, too!"

* * *

End of Part 9. Sorry it wasn't as funny as usual... 


	11. Part X: 10th Division

* * *

For the Sake of Sake

By

PND

Part X: Tenth Division

* * *

Isane and Hisagi were, oddly enough, the first to arrive.

"Not much of a turn out," Hisagi commented dryly, wincing as Isane elbowed him in the ribs.

"Well, it was a little late notice," Isane explained. "Yachiru, are you here for the party, too?"

"There's a party?" Yachiru looked around wildly, trying to spot decorations and cake.

"Yes," Hisagi shook some loose glitter from his invitation and showed it to her. "Says the first division right here."

"It's really pretty," Yachiru frowned in disappointment.

"Poor thing," Isane whispered to Hisagi, looking a little sad. "She wasn't invited..."

"So?"

Isane elbowed him again and took the invite out of his hand. "Yachiru, why don't you take ours?"

"Really?" Yachiru took the glittery invite and stared at it for a second. She darted off in happiness to show it off.

"She could have at least said thank you," Hisagi muttered, rubbing his ribs.

"Hisagi!" Renji rushed up to his friend. "I have to talk to you."

"Yeah, sure," Hisagi nodded.

"Excuse us, Isane," Renji muttered, pulling the older shinigami to the side. "Momo is driving me crazy! It's 'Aizen this' and 'Aizen that' and 'Aizen wouldn't have done that, Renji! Why can't you be more like him?' It's driving me insane!"

"Maybe you should try to be more like Aizen, Renji."

There was a pause and they both laughed.

"No seriously," Hisagi said as gravely as he could. "Why is she comparing you to Aizen?"

"Uh," Renji rubbed his head and shrugged. "Maybe because this is Aizen's coming back party, I guess..."

"It is?" Hisagi's eyes swept the room. "Momo's throwing a party for someone who isn't even here..."

"Yeah," the redhead sighed. "Anyway, he's coming."

"What?" Shuuhei was immediately on guard. "How do you know?"

"It was in the book."

* * *

Hitsugaya was sick of their company. The multiple apologies Komamura kept giving Iba were sickening to hear and it didn't take him long to try to think of a proper excuse to leave.

"Toushiro!" Momo waved frantically, hurrying over to them. "I've been looking all over for you!"

"What is it, Momo?" Hitsugaya asked warily, wondering idly if Unohana knew she wasn't in the fourth division any longer.

"Renji and I are throwing a party in the first division," she shoved a green envelope into his hands. "See. Here's your invitation. Please say you'll come, Toushiro."

Hitsugaya cautiously opened the envelope and pulled out the card inside. "Aizen's coming back party?"

"No way," Iba breathed, edging closer to look at the words.

"Yes," Momo beamed, looking proud of herself. "Renji and I—"

"Renji Abarai's behind this?" Komamura frowned, wondering why that brash redhead would taint the poor girl's mind more than it all ready was.

"Yeah, he's helping me." Momo sighed happily. "Are you guys going to come?"

"Yeah, I'll come," Hitsugaya frowned, slipping the invitation into his robes. He started walking to the first division. "Lieutenant Abarai and I need to have a talk."

"I'm sure he'll enjoy that." Momo said, walking with him.

"This I gotta see," Iba said, following them.

"Tetsuzaemon."

Iba froze as his captain said his name. "Yes, Captain?"

"You have paperwork to do."

"Yes, Captain," Iba said with a small frown. "But, do you think we could go to this party? I mean, I think they'll need someone like you to keep the peace..."

"You're right."

"I am?"

"Yes! Someone needs to keep the peace." Komamura fisted a paw in front of his chest. "We are just the men to do it! Come along, Tetsuzaemon. We're going."

"Yes, Captain!"

* * *

"For such a short walk, why is it taking us so long?" Ikkaku wondered as they walked from the second division to the first.

No one answered him because they were too busy staring at Mayuri who was heading straight towards them, carrying a vial of bubbling brown liquid.

"Excuse me, you there," Mayuri pointed at Yumichika, unable to remember his name. Everyone else breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the captain didn't want them.

Annoyed, Yumichika completed a sharp bow. "Ayasegawa Yumichika, Sir. Did you need something from me?"

"No, no," Mayuri assured him, waving the vial around passionately. "I'm merely looking for Kyoraku. You don't know where he is, do you?"

"He's probably at the party..." Kira said absently, not understanding why Soifon was shooting him dirty looks. "What?"

"A party?" Mayuri looked curious. Everyone held their breath as some of the liquid spilled on the ground.

Ikkaku stepped forward as the others backed away. "What is that anyway?"

Mayuri slapped his hand on top of the vial, holding the liquid inside. "Step back, this is much too powerful for you!" He glanced at Soifon. "She might be able to handle it. However, I wouldn't risk it."

"Okay," Ikkaku took a step back.

"So, are you heading to this party of yours?" Mayuri asked, looking anxiously at them. "Do you mind if I come with you?"

Everyone exchanged looks.

"Do you have an invitation?" Yumichika asked smoothly.

"An invitation?" Mayuri frowned, seeing the colorful envelopes in their hands. "Oh, you mean this?" He whipped a blue envelope out of his robes. A dusting of gold glitter fell to the floor. "Some little brown haired girl gave it to me. I was going to open it in my lab, but I guess I could do it here." He opened it and frowned as he read the front. "Aizen's Coming Back Party. Hmm, when did he leave?" Mayuri looked around. "Drat, where is that little brown haired girl?"

"Aizen betrayed the Soul Society with Ichimaru and Tousen," Soifon informed Mayuri, looking displeased.

"Oh, I suppose that's why they haven't attended the captains' meetings lately."

* * *

Ukitake hummed as he took the scenic route to the first division. Thankfully it was also the quickest. Byakuya was at his side, wondering how he'd gotten roped into attending the party in the first place.

"Ukitake-taichou?"

The humming stopped.

"Do you remember..." Byakuya trailed off. "Never mind."

"The last time we walked this path? I believe it was before you became a captain."

"Do you think I was wrong for siding with Yamamoto-soutaicho?"

"No," Ukitake sighed. "You did the right thing, Byakuya."

"Thank you."

"Do you remember this bridge?" Ukitake said as they stepped onto it. "It was your last day as my lieutenant—"

"And you pushed me into the water."

"Yes." Ukitake smiled as he set his hand on his shoulder and shoved the younger man over the side. Byakuya flailed and managed to grab Ukitake's wrist as he fell over the side, pulling them both into the water.

* * *

"My sweet, sweet Nanao!" Shunsui whined, beckoning her to him. "This ruffian won't give me my alcohol!"

"You have to pay for it first!" the mystery shinigami shot back.

"I told you we don't have enough money." Shunsui argued, not even noticing when Nanao walked on by them.

"I told you the price and you agreed to pay it."

"Yeah, before you added taxes and shipping fees!"

"I don't understand why 'Costumes' is one of the charges," Kenpachi growled as he scanned the list of extra charges.

"You thought I just had one of these uniforms lying around?" the shopkeeper grumbled back.

"They're called jeans?"

"Blue jeans," Saskibe corrected her. "They're quite durable. I plan on purchasing a few pairs the next time I'm over there."

"It sounds so fascinating," Matsumoto was wide eyed. "I've always wanted to go there."

"Well, then, perhaps I'll bring you a souvenir." Saskibe offered, shyly.

"Matsumoto, Saskibe," Nanao called them. "Captains Kyoraku and Zaraki are having trouble. Could you two help out?"

"Yes, of course," Saskibe nodded, heading to the captains.

"He's so helpful," Matsumoto sighed dreamily as Nanao pulled her along.

"I'd hate to have to rough you up..." the shopkeeper frowned, looking quite serious with the threat.

"Che, how do ya plan on doin' that?" Kenpachi asked, looking extremely doubtful.

"We're captains," Shunsui struck a macho pose. "We can take you."

"All right," the shopkeeper looked stern. "If you can't pay, I'll go to Yamamoto. I'm sure he'd love to hear about this little operation...hidden in his own division. He hasn't noticed?"

As the shopkeeper was distracted, Saskibe valiantly walked up, Matsumoto and Nanao at his heels.

"I'll handle this."

* * *

Yamamoto stopped by the fountain. He needed a break. All this walking made him tired.

* * *

Hisagi stood in the hallway as Renji told him all about the coloring book.

"I don't believe it," Hisagi stated, staring at the pictures in Renji's hands.

"It's because you're not in it, isn't it?" Renji accused him. "I bet if you were in it, you'd believe."

"This is...look," Hisagi took the coloring book and muttered. "I'm sure Saskibe has some crayons... Let's go, Renji."

"Hold it right there!" Komamura shouted, stopping the two men.

"Captain Komamura?" Hisagi frowned at the sight of the three shinigami with him. "Who invited you?"

"Hinamori," Komamura looked fondly at the small girl.

"Renji, I have something I need to discuss with you." Hitsugaya looked very serious.

"Hey!" Momo pointed at Hisagi. "Why do you have The Book?"

"Uh," Renji took it from him quickly. "I was just..."

"Trying to convince him Aizen's coming back like you did Momo?" Toushiro accused.

"What?" Renji shook his head.

"He shouldn't understand! He's not part of it!" Momo snatched The Book away and disappeared into the party room.

"Great..." Hitsugaya muttered, glaring at Renji as he followed her in. "I'm not finished with you."

"Captain!" Matsumoto grabbed her captain as he entered, turning him to look at Saskibe. "He's so brave!"

Saskibe shook the man's hand as they came to an agreement. Matsumoto swooned.

"If he can keep you this still, I he should do it all the time," Hitsugaya grumbled, pushing out of her hold.

"Is that a command, Sir?" Saskibe asked in passing. "Perhaps, Matsumoto-san, you will save your last dance for me?" Before she could answer, he crossed the room to talk to Kenpachi and Shunsui. "I've made brilliant deal for you. Monthly payments with a slight interest, and he's willing to do business again."

"How did you do it?" Shunsui asked in wonder.

"It's an old western custom to barter," Saskibe smirked. "Captain Commander Yamamoto is kind enough to make these payments for you."

"Won't he notice that money's missing?" Kenpachi asked.

"I will disguise it as maintenance charges in our paperwork."

* * *

Komamura's ears perked up. "Paperwork?"

* * *

"Why are you doing this, 'Skibe?" Shunsui asked, looking confused. "What's in it for you?"

"I thought you were bent on following the old man," Kenpachi grunted, watching as Momo tried to hang a banner with Isane and Nemu.

"These charges won't begin to cover the loss of my wine collection," Saskibe chuckled. "Excuse me, there's a lovely young lady waiting for a dance."

As he walked away the door opened and Jyuushiro pulled Byakuya inside.

"Shunsui, hello!" Ukitake greeted, stopping in front of his friend, a puddle forming beneath his feet. Byakuya stood beside him, looking rather unhappy.

"Why are you all wet, lieutenant?" Shunsui teased. "Fall into the lake again?"

"Shut up." Byakuya frowned.

Kenpachi, not understanding their joke, walked off to assist Momo with the banner. "Move," he said, removing her from the ladder and quickly tacked it to the ceiling.

"Thank you, Captain Zaraki!" Momo smiled, bowing gratefully.

"Aizen's Coming Back Party, huh?" Kenpachi smiled as he read the banner. "I'm totally gonna fight him."

"You, brown haired girl!" Mayuri called from across the room as he walked in with his group.

"Uh, yes, Captain Kurotsuchi?" Momo asked, looking worried.

"I wanted to thank you for inviting me to the party," Mayuri smiled. "I hope Aizen enjoys it when he gets here."

"Oh—"

"I'm not invited to parties often, I quite appreciate it. I really do." Mayuri paused to look at the banner. "Oh, there you are, Nemu! What at you doing up there on that ladder? Now where is Shunsui?"

Kira watched as Mayuri dragged Nemu off in search of the 8th division captain. Soifon sighed, happy to be rid of him.

"Thank you so much for coming!" Momo tried to hug Kira, but was blocked by an irate Soifon.

"You're welcome, Momo."

"I can't wait until Aizen gets here. He's going to be so excited to see you all!"

* * *

He stepped into the room.

* * *

End Part 10


	12. Part XI: 11th Division

For the Sake of Sake

By

PND

Part XI: The 11th Division

Disclaimer: Do not own Bleach

* * *

The air still smelled familiar, he noticed, but he still couldn't quite place it. He rather enjoyed the scent, but alas, he should get going. It was so nice to take a short break on all those long walks he had to suffer through, but he'd noticed several shinigami make their way into his division and he was starting to grow curious.

Yamamoto stood up, tripped over his own cane and fell into the fountain.

* * *

"You hid the alcohol in the fountain?" Kenpachi was actually impressed by the shopkeeper.

"Pretty clever of me, wasn't it?"

"I'll say. I'll bet old man Yama will never find it there."

* * *

Yamamoto spluttered as he came up for air. Who knew those fountains were so deep? They were definitely too much of a hazard to have around the Gotei 13. His shinigami were clumsy enough already, he didn't need them killing themselves in fountains.

Ah, that smell again. It was stronger here. Yamamoto frowned, was it coming from the water? He was pretty sure he'd swallowed some of it when he went under, but since when has the fourth division scented the water? He took another sip. It was very familiar...

No, it couldn't be, could it?

No, it wasn't, was it?

Not...not...

He hiccupped.

Yup, definitely alcohol.

Yamamoto didn't drink much. He didn't look it, but he was one of those lightweights who got buzzed on a few sips of sake. Who knows how much he'd just swallowed.

He pulled himself carefully out of the fountain and headed back into his division. _At least my hand-eye coordination seems to be okay. Since when has this been here? Ridiculous!_ Yama thought as he bumped into a wall that had been there for centuries. Maybe he'd never noticed it before.

He'd just change quickly and get back to work, but...what was that noise? There was music...

He paused, looking around for the source. Was it coming from the kitchen? No...

And it wasn't from his office either...

Not from any where people usually were.

Darn, that only left one place. That forbidden room...that party room.

He walked to the door and cracked it open. There was a party going on.

To his surprise Saskibe was cutting the rug with the 10th division lieutenant...quite impressively no doubt. Even more surprising was the fact that Captain Soifon was slow dancing with a very confused looking Kira Izuru.

Yamamoto frowned. How dare they take over his division and not even invite him to the party! He started to walk in, but he was immediately dragged back out.

"Captain Commander, how nice to see you here!" Yumichika said pleasantly, shutting the door behind them. "It's drafty in there, isn't it? And you're so wet, Captain!"

"Yes, well, I fell in a well." Yamamoto frowned. "Not a well, a fountain. You know," the old man started chuckling. "That rhymed!"

"What did?" Yumichika lowered a brow, looking a little confused. The old man was soaked and he smelled...like sake! "Sir, are you...drunk?"

"Preposterous!" Yamamoto barked, looking quite angry for all of two seconds before he started chuckling again. "Well, fell, well!"

"Yes, sir, that's quite funny," Yumichika smiled agreeably. "Why don't we get you to your quarters so you can take a nice, long nap?"

"A nap?" Yamamoto huffed. "Those are for old people and whippersnappers!" Yumichika chose to hold his tongue at this point. "I am not old or a little rascal! I refuse to be treated as such! I am going to this party!"

"Yes, well, right this way." Yumichika couldn't exactly refuse to let the captain commander enter, so he promptly opened the nearest door and let the captain inside, shutting the door behind the old man.

How was he to know that door led to an old storage closet?

* * *

Momo flipped through the coloring book. So far everything had been accurate. She'd passed all of the colored pages and was skimming the black and white ones when a flash of pink caught her eye. She turned back a few pages. There! She paused, staring at the picture for a few moments.

"I should have known."

* * *

"Hisagi, why are you so upset?" Isane asked, looking genuinely concerned. "It's not like you."

"I'm not upset," Hisagi said honestly, wondering where she was getting that from. "Renji's gone nuts, but I'm not upset."

"Oh, you just looked..." Insane gave a little shrug, unsure of what she was trying to say. "Yeah..."

"Hisagi," Hitsugaya stopped in front of the two lieutenants. "I need to talk to you."

* * *

Ikkaku stopped as the door he walked by rattled. He turned to look, but it stopped. There was something behind that door.

"Is someone stuck in there?" Something fell to the floor on the other side. Ikkaku took a step closer. "Hello?"

The door popped open and Yamamoto fell to the ground.

Ikkaku stared.

"Captain Commander?"

Then he started to laugh.

"Whoopsy-daisy!" Yamamoto stood up and brushed his clothes off. "Ah, young man, you look like you're about my age, where is everyone? A nice young man was showing me around and he disappeared."

"It looks like he shoved you in a closet, more like." Ikkaku wasn't sure what to make of the captain commander.

"Oh, there was a well—I mean fountain!" Yamamoto said knowingly. "You look like a young man who likes fountains."

"Uh, yeah," Ikkaku took a step back. "About that—"

"Well, it's settled then!" Yamamoto grinned.

"What's settled?"

"I said 'well' again! Well, fell, well!" Yamamoto raised his voice. "Now, young man, let's get going. I promise not to go too fast and just tell me if you get tired, I know how feeble you young people are!"

"Why are you yelling?"

"Oh, can you hear me, then?"

"Of course," Ikkaku was starting to wonder just how senile the old man was.

"To the well?" Yamamoto looked hopeful.

"To the well," Ikkaku shrugged, following the old man into the courtyard. They stopped at a fountain maybe twenty feet from the door.

"That walk wasn't too far, was it?" Yama looked concerned.

"Oh, uh," Ikkaku started.

"It was, wasn't it?" Yamamoto tutted. "I'll get you a drink." He scooped up some water in his hands and held them out.

"Uh, I'll get my own. You can have that."

"Oh, don't mind if I do." Yamamoto drank it happily.

Ikkaku curiously reached down to scoop up a little water. He sipped it, then sipped it some more. He used two hands and guzzled some down.

"Good water, isn't it?"

"It's _great_ water." Ikkaku chuckled. "Why don't you have some more? You still look thirsty, sir."

"Okay!"

* * *

Yumichika did not like this. Did not like this at all. He just stepped into the room like it was nothing. Like he'd never left. No one even noticed. No one at all.

He had to admit, his hair did look better like that.

Of course, it would have been more interesting, had it really been him. It was completely obvious it wasn't Aizen. Only a fool would think it was.

"Nice to see ya!" Yamamoto slapped a hand down on Aizen's shoulder. "Glad ya came!"

Yumichika frowned; Yamamoto had been more drunk than he'd thought.

"Welcome to my party," Yamamoto continued, very pleased with himself.

"This is your party?" Aizen lifted an eyebrow at the old man.

"It's in my division, ain't it?"

"Excuse us," Yumichika dragged the old man away from Aizen. "What are you wearing, Sir?"

"Oh, this?" Yamamoto laughed. "I found this in that closet you showed me. Hip, isn't it?"

"Very 'hip' indeed," Yumichika blanched. The old man had stumbled upon a box of old costumes and was sporting a very gaudy red cowboy hat with a big gold star in the center, matching boots and vest, and he was wearing a pair of old brown chaps over his hakama of all things. Yumichika was positive that chaps were meant to be worn with jeans and only jeans...

The old man did look happy though...

"There you are!" Ikkaku raced through the doorway. "I turn around for two seconds to—is that Aizen?"

"It's a lovely party," Aizen waved cheerfully. "I like the banner."

"Uh," Ikkaku was confused. "Why's he here?"

"Momo must've invited him," Yumichika said with a little shrug. "But don't worry. It's not _him _him. I think it's his sword."

"What?" Ikkaku looked at Aizen who smiled happily. "That's his sword? Yumichika, why is Aizen's sword at this party?"

"It _is _Aizen's coming back party."

"That's true I guess." Ikkaku nodded, turning to look at Yama, but the old man was gone. "Where'd he go?"

Aizen shrugged.

* * *

"You!" Momo screeched, pointing at Kenpachi, or rather, what was behind Kenpachi.

"Yes?" Yachiru blinked at the other lieutenant.

"You've stolen him, haven't you?"

Yachiru glanced at Kenpachi, who shrugged it return.

"Don't play dumb with me, Yachiru!" Momo shoved the book in her face. "Don't tell me you don't recognize THIS!"

"A coloring book?" Yachiru and Kenpachi exchanged another glance. "I promise I didn't color it!

"Yeah, she doesn't stay in the lines like that," Kenpachi said, taking the book. "Definitely too good for her."

"Oh, I know you didn't," Momo huffed. "How does it feel, Captain Zaraki, to know you're harboring a criminal?"

"A criminal?"

"It's only obvious she's the one who single-handedly turned Captain Aizen away from the Soul Society!"

"What?"

"Momo, is something wrong?" Renji walked up to the small group.

"Yes! This little hussy's trying to steal Captain Aizen from me!"

"Now, you can't prove that," Renji was started as Momo launched herself at Kenpachi, trying to take the coloring book from him. He wouldn't let go.

"Do you mind if I show him this?" Momo asked.

"Sure," Kenpachi let go.

"Look!" Momo shoved the book in Renji's face.

Renji studied it for a moment. "Yachiru? No way."

"It's true."

"No way."

"The proof is there!" Momo pointed at the colored picture of Supergirl. "Yachiru has secretly been scheming with Captain Aizen this entire time."

"That's what I came to tell you!" Renji pointed across the room. "Aizen's right over there."

* * *

Yamamoto tottered across the dance floor, accidentally looking rather skilled as he miraculously avoided the other dancers. He caught sight of a group of rather fetching women and started over.

"Excuse me, ladies." Yamamoto paused as they turned to look at him. The one in the pink kimono had the most beautiful long flowing brown hair. "Oh, excuse me, _madam_."

"Oh, you," Shunsui tapped Yamamoto's shoulder with a fan before he flipped it open in front of his face. He giggled shrilly, causing Nanao to elbow him in the ribs.

"What is a group of such fine looking ladies doing by yourselves on a night like this?"

"Ladies?" Byakuya's deep, monotone voice broke the silence.

"Oh my, I didn't realize this was a costume party!" Yamamoto exclaimed.

"It appears you did," Ukitake was amused.

"Even if _she _is a man, you other ladies look simply divine," Yamamoto smiled charmingly.

"You shouldn't flatter us like that," Shunsui cooed.

"Ukitake," Byakuya said quietly. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know," Ukitake shrugged. "Shunsui's always been like this."

"I meant the captain commander."

"Oh," Ukitake laughed. "He's just drunk. You have seen what happened last time. He mistook Urahara for a lam—"

"Aren't you going to ask me to dance?" Shunsui fluttered his eyelashes.

"How rude of me not to!" Yamamoto bowed deeply. "Please, allow me this dance, oh kind lady!"

"That's enough of that," Nanao frowned.

"Excuse me?" Yamamoto looked startled.

"Oh, um," Ukitake laughed happily. "She's engaged. Jealous fiancé, you know?"

"Oh, yes, I see." Yamamoto nodded in understanding. "It was quite unlikely a lady as charming as yourself would not be taken. I apologize."

The three men and Nanao waited until Yamamoto wandered off before Ukitake and Shunsui started cracking up.

"Captain," Nanao frowned.

"Give us a moment," Ukitake wheezed.

"That was better than that time he—"

"Captain!" Nanao glared.

"Well, it was!" Shunsui continued laughing.

"We should really do something about him," Byakuya spoke up.

"Later, later." Ukitake smiled. "Let him have his fun."

* * *

End part 11.


	13. Part XII: 12th Division

For the Sake of Sake

By

PND

Part XII: The 12th Division

Disclaimer: Do not own Bleach

* * *

"What did you need to talk to me about, captain?" Hisagi asked as they exited the party room. He'd left Isane inside chatting with Nemu so he didn't feel like he had completely abandoned her.

"It's about Lieutenant Abarai," the captain frowned, wondering how to word his thoughts. Thankfully Hisagi was kind enough to find them for him.

"You mean how he and Momo are acting like two superstitious toddlers hyped up on Surge?"

"What in the word is Surge?"

"It's a—"

"Never mind that," Hitsugaya frowned. "We need to do something about him, before he corrupts Momo even further!"

"I think she's the one corrupting him."

"What do you mean?"

"According the Renji Momo's the one who found the coloring book and told him about it. Now they both believe the coloring book can predict the future, but only for certain shinigami." Hisagi grinned, "The weird part? Almost everything's come true so far."

"What?"

"It's true," Shuuhei looked quite serious. "From what I've seen, it actually kind of makes sense...except for Ikkaku fighting Aizen...but I wouldn't doubt it just being an elaborate hoax."

"Momo could never set anything like this up."

"Renji could," Shuuhei coughed, "but this isn't something he would do. Someone else is behind all of this."

"Do you think Aizen..."

"I'm not saying I think it's anyone," Hisagi gave a little shrug. "I just want you to know Renji's not the one at fault, so don't kill him or anything, okay? I'm sure my captive's getting lonely, so I'm going." Hisagi started to go back into the room, but paused. "But if you really want some answers, Captain, why don't you ask Momo instead of accusing the wrong people?"

* * *

"You there," Mayuri pointed at Nanao. "Where is your captain?"

"I'm right here," Shunsui said from next to his lieutenant.

"I wasn't asking you," Mayuri huffed. "How rude, intruding on conversations like that."

"He's right here, Captain Kurotsuchi." Nanao said, pointing to the man.

"There you are! Hiding from me?" Mayuri smiled darkly. "Never mind that. I have created the most wonderful substance in the world."

"That's what you said when you created the black plague."

"Well, it's true this time," Mayuri insisted. "I just need a test dummy, I mean, subject."

"That's very nice, Mayuri. Why are we having this discussion?"

"I decided you were the only one strong enough to handle THIS!" Mayuri thrust the vial forward. A drop splattered on Shunsui's toes.

"And what is 'THIS'?" Shunsui mocked the scientist's excitement and he shook the liquid from his foot.

"What a wonderful question! You aren't as dumb as I would have thought."

"Get on with it."

"Ah, yes," Mayuri held up the vial and let the brown liquid shimmer in the light. "I call this Sarsaparilla Foam!"

"Sarsaparilla Foam?" Shunsui repeated dryly. "Catchy."

"Isn't it though? I need you to drink it and tell me what you think."

"Captain, do you think it's a good idea to drink something he created?"

"No, my lovely Nanao, but I'll do it anyway." Shunsui chuckled, reaching for the vial. Mayuri leaned forward expectantly.

Just then Momo barreled past almost knocking the vial from Mayuri's hands. The scientist fumbled, but managed to get a grip on the glass tube before it fell to the ground.

* * *

"Just because you aren't him doesn't mean I'll go easy on you," Ikkaku warned, gripping the blade in his hand tightly.

"I don't expect you to," Aizen's sword smiled darkly, making everyone watching shiver. He studied his own weapon intently, glasses glinting as they caught some light. "But please, don't expect you'll win."

"Hey guys, let's not get into anything too competitive here," Yamamoto had wandered over again. "Or, if you are, I want to join."

"Sir, is that a good idea? Those blades are pretty sharp and you could get cut," Yumichika smoothly tried to get the old man to rethink his decision.

"Don't be silly," Yama picked up a bread knife and a loaf of rye. "I make a pretty mean sandwich, too. I don't see why these two should be the only ones making them."

"We aren't just 'making sandwiches'," Ikkaku muttered. "We're battling."

Aizen sword seemed to share his sentiment, but stayed quiet. They exchanged a small glance before they begrudgingly started making their subs while Yamamoto hacked away at the bread with some mayonnaise.

"Captain Aizen!"

Aizen's sword looked up and wished he hadn't. Momo flung herself into his arms, narrowly avoiding the horseradish on his butter knife. "Oh, Captain Aizen! I was so worried he was going to beat you!"

Once again Aizen's sword and Ikkaku exchanged a questioning look.

"I know it's silly and that you're Captain Aizen. No one's stronger or kinder than you are. You'll think of a way to win this horrible battle without even using your zanpakuto!"

Yumichika very discreetly covered up a laugh with a dignified sneeze.

"We aren't using our zanpakutos, Momo." Ikkaku said slowly, letting every word sink in. "We're just making sandwiches with plain old butter knives."

"Like I'd believe you!" Momo snapped, turning back to Aizen. "I knew I shouldn't have invited him to you party. He's always trying to get attention."

"Now, Momo," Aizen's sword settled a hand on the top of her head. "I think you should apologize. It's unfair to say mean things about people unless you know they're true."

"That's actually pretty good thinking," Renji mumbled from next to Yumichika.

"It's practically a sin not to tell the truth, isn't it?" Yumichika smiled. "I'm beginning to like him."

"Aizen?"

"No, his zanpakuto." Yumichika gave Renji a look. "You didn't seriously think that was Aizen making sandwiches with Ikkaku and the captain general, did you? Oh, you did. I can tell by the dazed look on your face."

"Shut up," Renji mumbled.

"Momo!"

Heads turned as Captain Hitsugaya showed up at the edge of the group, looking a bit confused at the sight of the Captain Commander making a sandwich. He recovered well though, looking right at Aizen and Momo.

"Momo, I need to talk to you."

"But, Toshirou—"

"No but's," Hitsugaya frowned.

"Captain Aizen will get lonely if I leave!"

"That's not Captain Aizen," Hitsugaya gave Momo a worried look as her eyes widened.

"You lied to me?" Momo stared at the zanpakuto with large watery eyes. "After everything I did for you?"

"What?" To give him a little credit, the zanpakuto look confused. "What did she do for me?"

"Um, the party, I guess," Yumichika whispered.

"Oh, right," Aizen nodded and put on a calming smile. "My dear Momo, please, forgive me. I didn't want you to be hurt because I couldn't actually come."

"Why's he actin' like he's actually Aizen?" Ikkaku muttered to Renji who gave a worried shrug.

"But The Book said you would come, Captain Aizen!"

"Why's she still calling him Aizen?" Renji growled.

"The Book?" Aizen was immediately given the coloring book. He flipped through it carefully, studying the pages. "I didn't color this one," he pointed at the party scene.

"What do you mean you didn't color it?" Hitsugaya snarled.

"Well, look at the time. I've got to get going!" Aizen patted Momo's head again and shoved the book into Hitsugaya's hands. "I had a lovely time, thank you for inviting me." After that he promptly disappeared.

"Well, I don't know how the evening could get any more interesting than that," Yumichika mused.

"Why do you have my Superman coloring book?" Saskibe walked up to Hitsugaya.

"However, I may be wrong."

* * *

"Well?" Mayuri looked expectant as Shunsui sampled his creation.

Shunsui swished the liquid around his mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. "What did you call this again?"

"Sarsaparilla Foam."

"Hmm," Shunsui finished off the rest of the vial in one gulp. "You know, Mayuri, my dear friend, I do believe you've managed to create root beer."

"Root beer," Mayuri's face fell.

"Yep, something that already exists," Shunsui shrugged. "That's not your fault though. How could you have known?"

"Root beer," Mayuri shook his head. "Who picked that stupid name? Anyone who has a brain can tell Sarsaparilla Foam is much catchier. Root beer! That will never sell!"

Shunsui put his arm around Nanao's shoulders and guided her away from the ranting scientist.

"Do you think it's a wise idea to leave him by himself?" Nanao asked, glancing over his shoulder at Mayuri.  
"Do you think it's a wise idea not to?" Shunsui pointed out.

"I guess you're right." She jumped as Shunsui gasped.

"My beautiful, kind, stunning Nanao!" Shunsui hugged her. "I do believe that's the first time you've ever told me I was right."

"Get off me," Nanao half-heartedly smacked him in the back of his head with her book.

* * *

"Captain!" Renji ran over to Byakuya and Ukitake, panting for a few seconds, trying to catch his breath.

"What is it, Renji?"

"The Captain Commander just signed a bill stating that he would allow the return of sake in bars on the weekends!"

"He did what?" Byakuya frowned.

"Now, now," Ukitake patted the younger man's shoulder. "Lighten up, Byakuya. They deserve it, you know?" He gave a happy smile at the lieutenant in front of him. "I'm glad to hear that, Renji. I think you should spread the news to Captain Kyoraku and Captain Zaraki. I think they'll be happier than anyone."

"Yes, Sir, of course, Sir." Renji took off the find the other captains.

"Giving orders to my subordinates?" Byakuya lifted an eyebrow.

"Now, now," Ukitake chuckled. "I didn't give any orders, only a suggestion. It was his choice whether or not to follow it and your choice to let him. You really should lighten up more, Byakuya. Maybe you should have a drink?"

* * *

End part 12.

Sorry it's a little short, but it's the end of the party and I didn't want to add anything else. So, yeah, one more chapter to go.

Next time...13th division.


	14. Part XIII: 13th Division

For the Sake of Sake

By

PND

Part XIII: 13th Division

The Final Segment

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Superman.

AN: Anyone else going to Otaku-Nebraska?

* * *

The turnout was better than expected. Everyone had shown up—except for Aizen's sword, but no one was expecting him to show up again, except Momo, but no one was too concerned with what she wanted (besides it wasn't in the coloring book).

Simply said, Ukitake was very pleased. His tea party would be a success this time. Old man Yamamoto would not be able to say that this get together was a failure. Jyuushirou Ukitake was one of the most hospitable, likeable, and amiable shinigami in all of Soul Society. To be unable to throw a decent tea party was unthinkable. He could not fail.

It helped that everyone had shown up on time—with the exception of Shunsui and Nanao, but that was expected of course—so Ukitake didn't have to serve anyone luke-warm tea—with the exception of Hitsugaya, but only because he liked it that way—and only when he felt the party was going quite well, did he feel free to spike the tea.

"I've got to hand it to you, Miss," Yamamoto was saying as he finished his tenth cup of sake-laced tea. "You're a wonderful hostess."

"Captain Yamamoto," Nanao said as courteously as she could. "I am not the hostess here. Also, it would be much appreciated if you would stop holding my hand."

"Yeah, Captain Kyoraku's getting jealous!" Iba piped up, grinning like an idiot.

"Don't be such a spoilsport, Tetsuzaemon," Komamura helped himself to a cookie. "Let the captains battle it out!"

"Captain? How much have you had to drink?"

"I agree!" Matsumoto cheered. "An all-in battle royal! Winner gets the icy heart of the 8th division lieutenant, Ise Nanao!"

"Can lieutenants join in?" a slightly tipsy Kira asked curiously.

"No!" Soifon growled, grabbing hold of Izuru's robes to keep him from getting up.

"I agree with Captain Soifon," Kyoraku said, standing up. "I challenge all off the captains to an all-out battle for my lovely Nanao!"

"Whatever the battle is, I'm in!" Kenpachi lumbered to his feet, already drawing his sword.

"I say we play Battleship!"

Everyone stared at Mayuri.

"I say we don't," Shunsui said dryly.

Everyone agreed.

"Then what are we doing?" Jyuushirou asked, pouring another cup of spiked tea for Yamamoto.

"You're joining in?" Shunsui asked in surprise.

"I don't see why not," Ukitake frowned. "It is an all-out battle, isn't it?"

"But that's not fair," Shunsui pouted at his best friend. "You totally know that we'll be the last two standing out of all of these chumps."

"Chumps?" Mayuri asked.

Shunsui ignored him, "And then you'll probably do something brilliant and win. You want to steal Nanao away from me!"

"We don't have to fight with swords, Shunsui," Jyuushirou sighed.

"We don't?" Kenpachi looked disappointed.

"No, that would be foolish and out of the question. The only people who have their swords here are Captain Zaraki and the Captain Commander. That wouldn't be much of a battle."

"That is true," Komamura commented, taking a sip of his tea.

"Then what should we do?" Kenpachi looked a little put out.

"I don't know. Any ideas?"

"A board game?"

"No board games, Mayuri," Shunsui rubbed his temple.

"Horseshoes?" Sajin piped up.

"No."

"A drinking contest?"

Everyone stared at Byakuya, who had yet to touch his tea.

"Brilliant," Shunsui whispered, looking at Byakuya proudly. "A drinking contest it is! Who's in?"

"I am!" Kenpachi roared happily.

"Shut up! I am," Yamamoto downed another cup and promptly fell over, dead asleep.

Everyone ignored him.

Komamura nodded his consent.

Mayuri raised his hand.

"And Jyuu and I are definitely both in." Shunsui finalized.

"Well I'm not," Nanao said primly from her spot next to her captain.

"Nanao!" Shunsui whimpered. "You're ruining my fun!"

"What if you lose?"

"Well, that won't happen, but if it does it'll be Kenpachi or Jyuushiro who will love you forever. It could be worse, right?"

"Captain Ukitake will win?" Renji stared at the frail captain doubtfully. He hadn't even seen the captain drink any of his own tea, let alone sake...

"He has a very good chance," Byakuya commented.

"Why aren't you joining in, captain?" Renji asked suspiciously. "You know it wouldn't hurt to lighten up a little..."

"It wouldn't hurt for you to shut your mouth either, Renji."

"My apologies, Captain," Renji muttered.

"Renji, help me find the page that will show the outcome!" Momo shoved the book into his hands.

"Uh, Momo? This isn't the same one..."

"I know," Momo pouted. "Lieutenant Saskibe took it from me. He said it was dangerous to know the future."

"All of the pictures are already colored in this one..."

"Because it's all going to come true!" Momo insisted.

"Ikkaku's going to end up in a wheelchair?"

"He might be already and we just don't know it!"

"I don't think so..."

"Here's Toushiro!" Momo pointed at Iceman. "I didn't know he could cover his entire body in ice. Isn't that cool?"

"That is pretty cool," Hisagi nudged Hitsugaya. "Those wings are pretty childish, huh?"

"Shut up," Hitsugaya grumbled. "I don't see you in it."

"Wait, what?" Renji started flipping through the pages. "No!"

"You're in a different volume," Chojiro leaned over to inform him. "You have fire powers and things like that."

"You can see the future, too?" Momo asked in awe.

"Yes, I can...for many years to come." Chojiro pulled his own comic book out of the inside of his robes. "Our next foe," he opened it, pointing to a man in a red costume with white hair. "Is Ukitake Jyuushirou."

"No," Momo gasped, turning to look at the captain.

"It is," Saskibe said solemnly.\

"You are all idiots," Hitsugaya mumbled.

"What are you looking at?" Matsumoto gasped. "Is this the future? Is my hair really going to be that hideous shade of red?"

"Yes," Momo informed her sadly.

"Oh," Matsumoto looked disappointed. "Where are you, Momo?"

"This is her, right here." Saskibe pointed to Kitty Pryde. "It has to be."

"Whoa," Renji looked from the picture to Momo. "They do look alike."

"I can't believe Ukitake's going to betray us," Hisagi mumbled in shock.

"Well, at least he looks good in red," Matsumoto commented.

"What's going on over here?" Ukitake asked, surprising everyone as he showed up.

They snapped the comic books closed.

"Nothing, Sir," Renji chuckled. "What happened to the drinking contest?"

"Nothing really," Ukitake smiled. "While you were talking about the future and me looking good in that red costume Nanao decided she didn't want anyone to fight over her...but now Lieutenant Kira and Sentarou are trying to decide what they should be having a drinking contest over—though I don't think Soifon will let him be in it."

"Uh, Saskibe?" Rangiku asked carefully. "Where's Yamamoto, shouldn't he be in this, too?"

Saskibe just closed his eyes and sadly shook his head.

"Oh..."

Everyone was quiet for a moment.

"So, where am I?" Yumichika asked, coming up from behind Ukitake. "You mentioned Ikkaku. Shouldn't I be in there, too?"

"Um," Momo blinked, looking to Renji for help.

"Yumi, uh, sometimes things happen in the world and friends can't always...uh..."

"You're making it worse," Matsumoto whispered.

"I'm not in it, am I?" Yumichika looked disappointed.

"You know, that's probably a good thing, Yumi. Look how ugly those costumes are. You wouldn't be caught dead in that," Ikkaku said reassuringly.

"Of course I wouldn't," Yumichika turned up his nose at it. "I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy...well maybe I would, but Unohana totally deserves it."

Everyone in their group laughed, because they knew that was true.

"So, how did you and Unohana become enemies, Yumichika?" Kira asked curiously, apparently finished arguing with Sentarou.

"Well," Yumichika flipped his hair back. "You've seen her hair haven't you?"

Everyone in the entire room shuddered—even the ones who weren't listening to their conversation.

"Exactly."

"Ukitake, I need you!" Shunsui whined, pulling the white haired man away from the group.

"So, what are you drinking, Iba?" Isane asked curiously, looking at the brown liquid in the cup.

"Uh, I'm not sure," Iba shrugged, swishing the liquid around. "I heard about the tea being spiked so I decided to try this instead. It's pretty good."

"I want to try some, too."

"It's Sarsaparilla Foam!" Mayuri said excitedly. "I created it."

"Oh," both Iba and Isane set down their cups. Iba looked a little sick.

"There isn't something wrong, is there?" Mayuri looked concerned, sniffing his own cup.

"No, no!" Isane chuckled. "I'm just not thirsty anymore."

"Me either," Iba mumbled.

"You cheated!"

Everyone turned as Kenpachi accused Ukitake of cheating.

"No he didn't!" Shunsui exclaimed. "Jyuu would never do that."

"Sure he wouldn't."

"He wouldn't."

"How can someone like him win in a drinking contest then?"

"Easily."

"How?"

"I'll explain," Nanao sighed. "Captain Ukitake goes out drinking with my captain more often than not and usually drinks the same amount as he does, but unlike my stupid captain, Captain Ukitake is smart enough to realize he has to stay sober enough to get them both home alive."

"Nanao, my love," Shunsui whined. "Did you just call me stupid?"

Nanao ignored him.

"I guess that makes sense," Kenpachi shrugged. "I bet all that medication he takes probably keeps him immune to a lot of stuff, too."

"Exactly," Shunsui nodded.

"You weren't battling over Nanao were you?" Kira asked.

"No, no. She wouldn't stand for that. She wanted us to battle over something more interesting."

"We decided to battle over the captain commander's position," Ukitake smiled.

"Is that legal?" Hisagi blinked.

"It's only while he's sleeping," Kenpachi shrugged.

"We're probably in more capable hands then..."

Every glanced at Byakuya who was just now sampling his now-cold tea.

"I think he's right," Ikkaku agreed.

"Me too," Renji nodded, looking in surprise at his captain.

"They're all totally right." Shunsui nodded.

"I think you're all being idiots," Hitsugaya mumbled again.

"I agree," Nanao sighed and promptly smacked Shunsui with a fan.

"Yes, Shunsui," Ukitake chuckled. "You know how the old man gets when he thinks we've been scheming against him. Remember in our sixth year at the academy, you got elected student-captain?"

"Oh, I thought he was going to kill me!"

The two men laughed, no one else got it.

"You know," Renji chuckled, getting Yumichika's and Ikkaku's attention. "In a thousand years, that's going to be you two."

Yumichika and Ikkaku shared a look.

"Preposterous," they both agreed.

"You know, Ukitake," Byakuya set down his cup. "I've come to enjoy these tea parties of yours."

"Yeah," everyone, who was not Yamamoto agreed and only because he was still passed out on the floor, agreed.

"Success," Ukitake smiled happily.

Once Yamamoto woke up from his drunken sleep, time came to leave. Everyone slowly got to their feet, thanked Ukitake for the good time—except Yamamoto who was now thanking Kenpachi—and promptly left after it was decided they would meet back at the 13th division for another tea party.

"This reminds me of that one time—" Ikkaku began.

"And we—" Yumichika smiled.

"Yes."

They both paused to look at each other, then at the captains behind them, laughing at some shared joked.

"No," the two 11th division shinigami agreed with a laugh. That truly was preposterous.

END

**

* * *

**

**AN: Well, this was a lot of fun to write and now I am finally finished with this happy story. Just so all of my fans know, I'll be starting a new story called "Betrayal" soon. It's going to be fairly fun, Ukitake, Shunsui, and Hitsugaya are the true masterminds behind Aizen betrayal of the Soul Society.**

**But before that I'll probably work on some of my other things and one shots. Be expecting updates for "Following", "Oh", and a third part of "Unspoken". **

**For anyone curious...if you didn't get it...the comic book they were looking at was X-men. The following is a list of who's who.**

**First, Superman:**

**1. Aizen—Aizen was our "hero" Superman/Clark Kent. You have to admit that they do look alike. Glasses...hair...okay a little bit alike.**

**2. Momo—she just had to be Lois Lane...who else would she be? She's not cool enough to be Supergirl.**

**3. Renji—you got to admit that Renji was awesome for our favorite sidekick-photographer Jimmy Olsen.**

**4. Ikkaku—Is there really need for an explanation? If I must, Lex Luthor...**

**5. Yachiru—Supergirl...because she **_**is**_** cool enough.**

**6. Yamamoto-Perry White...**

**Next, X-men...**

**1. Hitsugaya—I really shouldn't need to explain why he's Bobby Drake, aka Iceman.**

**2. Momo—Kitty Pryde a.k.a Shadowcat.**

**3. Renji—Pyro!**

**4. Ikkaku—I'm sad to say, Professor Charles Xavier...creepy old man, but he was bald.**

**5. Yachiru—Jubilation Lee, a.k.a. Jubilee...she's the only one cute enough to be her!**

**6. Matsumoto—Jean Grey...mainly hair color—only hair color...not even that really.**

**7. Saskibe—Scott Summers...just because...**

**8. Byakuya—Warren Worthington III, a.k.a. Angel—because he was the only one manly enough to pull off that name.**

**9. Kenpachi—Wolverine...really, could there be anyone else more fitting?**

**10. Nanao—Rogue...because she's cool like that.**

**11. Shunsui—Remy LeBeau, a.k.a. Gambit...can't you see him calling Nanao "Chere" and wearing a trenchcoat?**

**12. Jyuushirou—Magneto...because white hair and they both rock. They're both my favorite characters.**

**13. Komamura...Beast...**

**14. Kira—Sam Guthrie, a.k.a. Cannonball. Watch X-men: Evolution, you'll get it.**

**15. Shunuei—Pietro Maximoff, a.k.a. Quiksilver...I'm not really sure why.**

**16. Mayuri—Forge. They like to build stuff.**

**17. Soifon—Wanda Maximoff, a.k.a. The Scarlet Witch...yeah**

**18. I put too much thought into this.**

**Done with that.**

**Special thanks to:**

**GinIchimaru321, DarkAngel1910, RadicalEd57, SidiousSith, and Kioyuki Oniga. **

**And an extra special thanks to my girls: Judi, Chica (and Marcus), and Roz. Thanks for the great reviews ladies. I owe each of you a story.**

**And an extra, extra special thank to Paul, for helping inspire this story and providing the finances to make this a reality.**

**And the greatest thanks of all...to the coloring book...for telling me the future.**

**If you can figure out how to hack into my account, you can add your name to the list as well.**

**Thanks,**

**PND**

* * *

"Where have you been?"

Aizen's sword almost dropped the sandwich he was carrying. "Huh?"

"You've been gone all afternoon," Aizen frowned. "I've sent out half of my espada looking for you."

"I was coloring in another page of the coloring book," the sword protested.

"Oh, yes that's right. How's that coming, by the way?"

"Um, not so good. Saskibe found it and took it back."

"He did what?" Aizen sighed, "Another plan, ruined!"

"Now, now," Gin wandered up. "I found a replacement already and get this, Ukitake's the bad guy. Ain't that fun?"

"Ukitake? I don't think that guy could hurt a bunny," Aizen's sword muttered, looking under a slice of bread. "I forgot mustard. I like that Yamamoto guy. Why are we fighting him? Oh yeah, I remember now. He's not fun when he's not drunk."

"Wait," Gin giggled. "Yamamoto got drunk? You remember that one time Ukitake and Kyoraku got him drunk—"

"And he thought Urahara was a lam—"

"What are you two talking about?"

"Oh, nothing," Aizen shrugged. "I do miss his tea parties."

"They were the best."

"Yes."

"Yep."

"Would you like some tea, Gin?"

Gin smiled.


	15. But, Chére!

But Chére!

By

PND

For Jennieman because she gave me the idea and she apparently likes X-men.

* * *

"I am not calling you Gambit!"

"But, Chére!"

"Where did you get that trench coat?"

"I got one for you, too!"

"_That_ is not a trench coat!"

"Please, Chére?"

"Is that the only French word you know?"

"That's the only word in the book and he's Cajun, not French!"

"I know that Remy's not actually French, but Cajun's speak it, too."

"I knew it: you're an X-men fan, too, Nanao, my love!"

"You're out of character."

"Oh, merci!"

"Thank you?"

"Jyuushirou didn't teach me 'sorry'."

"That should have been the first thing he taught you."

"Well, he didn't know very many himself."

"Is it true he's going to cosplay as Magneto?"

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"It's kind of out of character for him."

"Magneto was right!"

"You know you're against Magneto, don't you?"

"Not in X-men: Evolution!"

"You're switching universes now!"

"I promise not to call you, Chére if you wear it!"

"That will give you the excuse to call me 'Chére'."

"I swear I won't, mon ami."

"I'll go if you promise not to say any more French words."

"Oui!"

"That's French, too!"  
"It's Spanish!"

"No it's not!"

"Fine, whatever. I'm not wearing the costume, okay?"

"But, Rogue!"

"No."

"But Rogue can't touch anyone! If you stay in character everyone will leave you alone."

"Does that mean you can't touch me, too?"

"Yes...the only one who could probably touch you is Magneto. Jyuushirou, you scoundrel. You were planning this the entire time."

"Well, it is canon."

"What? So are we! Nanao, I think you should be someone else!"

* * *

AN: The "Magneto was right" comment comes from one of the comics; I can't remember the storyline...the one with Xorn maybe? Anyway, I have the t-shirt.

For anyone who doesn't know. Cajun's don't speak just French. They speak French, English, and Spanish all mixed together.

Now go out and cosplay everyone!


End file.
